While I was showering

I was thinking of how swift and powerful the work of God is. Perhaps that seems a bit vague, but let me explain. When I was writing my testimony, I mentioned my state of being before I became a true follower of Christ. I wasn't sure how to accurately explain it though, so I quoted a blog I wrote via myspace. I had started going to church at the time, but I was not yet a Christian. This is what I wrote:


Sunday, April 26, 2009

Current mood: confused 

I feel like there's a hole in me; 
wide open for the whole world to see. 
I am incomplete, partially empty. 
My tangible being is now translucent; 
eyeballs sear through my negative space. 
Can you find the light at the tunnel's end? 
This gap in my continuum won't close; 
not automatically in this present time. 
For part of me is absent, missing, gone. 
All I can do is wait for the hole to turn black, 
engulf my body in its entirity, 
and unfortunately be consumed with emptiness. 
I now lack any sort of serenity; clamplacity. 
The missing presence is not a secret, 
yet they know not of the havock they reek. 
Day after day, more and more space; 
the hole isn't getting any smaller. 
I crave my past feeling of wholeness; 
complete, united, at ease.


I was at a point in my life where I let worldly struggles put me in a state of emotional depression. I literally felt like a hollow unit, essentially worthless. Then, technically that very same day, I blogged again after having gone to third service.


Sunday, April 26, 2009 

Current mood: enlightened 

At church today, i received enlightenment. That hole which i felt within my core longs for a presence different from the one i thought. I was so wrapped up in social drama that i failed to realize that i needed something more. Neither words nor tears would have been able to close my hole if my preconceived desire was what would heal me. Quite the contrary, it is God who i need to fill me up; make me complete. If i take it upon myself to fully dedicate myself to him, then i my hole will be but a memory. Thus, it is Him that i long for, and it is He who can fill my translucency. 


These were new revelations to me at the time. And it just amazes me that God saw how broken I was and He filled that void almost instantaneously! Sometimes I fail to truly recognize the affect that the Lord can have in us, how drastically He can change us for the better. How He can pull us out of our pitfalls into His light! When we seek Him and reach for Him, He will take us in His arms and mends what is broken. What a beautiful thing, our Father :) So unbelievably incredible :)