I'm not going to have to sleep in Carrier!

That's right, I FINISHED MY PAPER! All that's left is the works cited page. Yay! I just started it today, and now it is eight pages long and being edited by two very kind individuals :) I probably could have been done much sooner, but I was facebook chatting and listening to music while I worked :) Speaking of facebook chat, this made me giggle:

Haha, I love Courtney :) Oh yeah, I also took these....

What can I say? I needed a mental break...

Also, please look at this little girl in this picture.

So funny/cute! And let me also say that Catherine's dress topped Diana's by far!

Gorgeous, right?!

At any rate, I love you all! Goodnight!

I forgot to to post this!

In the midst of my anxiety and pesimism last night, I forgot to post these!

1) Yes, this is a legit song/music video. HAHAHAHAHAHA!


2) These are my friends Zach and Rhett from justice team... dancing to that song. HAHAHAHA!

You know you laughed :)

"This is what dancing teaches us:"

"You try to do beautiful things and it jacks you up." -Steph

Oh skype dates. I've had three tonight, and I've gotten no work done. Great. I am overwhelmed right now. Stupid school. I literally cannot handle you.... Hatred.

I wish

that I could be home... for you.

It's not often

that I completely blank on something. However, right now I am trying to think of a topic for my final exam literature essay, and it just is not working. This, is not good. Granted, it's not due until monday, but I also have a final exam at 8 AM that morning. SO ROUGH! Ugh.

Yeah, I'm also stressing out about this interview tomorrow. I have no idea what to expect, and that scares me. I've heard that people have been crying during it, and that makes me anxious. And I also am going to have to be studying all day tomorrow for my psyc exam on thursday. I can't handle this nonsense. I think I'm going to go back to my room and sleep. That sounds nice....

Post #500!

Woah baby! Haha. Anyways...

I was pondering on my way back to my dorm, and the one thing I never want to be considered is selfish. I was listening to "For The Widows In Paradise; For The Fatherless In Ypsilanti" by Sufjan Stevens, and my mind resonated on the line "I'll do anything for you." I don't know if I would call that my life-motto per se, but it describes how I try to live my life. I like to do things for others, whether they ask it of me or not. In most scenarios, I have no problem sacrificing something of myself if I can help or do something nice for someone else. I hope that fact about me never changes, and I hope that my actions are always out of a love for others and never out of some form of self-satisfaction. I want a heart like Jesus. He gave everything out of His love for everyone. There was no self-gain in His crucifixion, no selfish ambition. No, He sacrificed for the sake of you and I. He gave us something we could have never received otherwise; redemption. What a beautiful thing, our Savior :)

On a totally separate note, today was pretty good. I had lunch on the quad with Jenn after my classes, and I was able to take a two-hour nap of glory. Small group was awesome. Some awesome testimonies were shared, and we talked about how we can be praying for one another over the summer. Oh yeah, tonight was out last small group of the year.... Crazy! I will definitely miss those girls, especially the ones who are transferring, but I pray that our relationships will be maintained. The rest of my night was spent in Carrier with Jenn, Hannah, and Steph. I was pretty productive, all things considered. At any rate, I walked with Hannah to her dorm before retiring to Eagle for the night. And now that I have gotten my blog fix, I am ready to shower and sleep.

Goodnight loves!

He is risen indeed!

Okay, so here's an Easter recap:

• Sunrise service.
• Stizz breakfast with Heather.
• 9:30 Sanctuary service.
• 11:15 gym service.
• Home for lunch and homework.
• Dinner at Grandma and Grandpa's house.

I love Easter. What's great is that I no longer need an epic Eater-egg hunt or overflowing basket to be truly satisfied, because ultimately that stuff is strictly commercial in value. No, this day is a celebration of our Jesus's glorious resurrection! He is risen indeed! Because He lives, we live. If ever there were a day to rejoice in the glory of the Lord, Easter is IT! (Of course, with every day being a blessing, we should rejoice  regardless of the date. But you know what I mean!)

^"8 Now if we died with Christ, we believe that we will also live with him. ⁹ For we know that since Christ was raised from the dead, he cannot die again; death no longer has mastery over him. ¹⁰ The death he died, he died to sin once for all; but the life he lives, he lives to God.

¹¹ In the same way, count yourselves dead to sin but alive to God in Christ Jesus."

{Romans 6:8-11}

My home. My Jesus :)

Today was lovely :) After getting up and ready, I drove over to Boyer's. I gave Jamal my information so that perhaps I can get a job there, and then I headed over to church. I saw so many of my lovely friends whom I have missed so much! To walk into a room and literally have people hugging me left and right just makes my heart beam! WEAG, in general, does that to me. That is my home, truly. It holds my most beloved brothers and sisters, family I could not live without :)

Nikki and I got to have a Stizz date today, too, which made me very happy :) As is tradition, we got our "romantic window seat," and we got to catch up on each other's lives a little bit. (I cannot wait until summer, when these kind of rendez-vous can happen more often!) We brought Heather back a drink, and I ate dinner in the fellowship hall with everyone before watching The Master's Plan. (Oh, for those who don't know, the reason so many people were at my church was because of the Easter production! I probably should have clarified that earlier... Sorry!)

The Master's Plan was so good! Not only did I love seeing my friends out the glory of Jesus on display, but the message was truly amazing. Jesus was a son, a friend, a healer, a teacher... our Messiah. And yet, he was crucified, and all the while there were mockers in the crowd. They pointed and laughed as He hung on the cross. One of the most impacting scenes, for me, was when one of the mocking women was yelling at those who were mourning Jesus. She was asking them how Jesus could be their King if He could not bring himself off of the cross. With only a crown of thorns, what kind of King was He? And even with all of that, Jesus said "Forgive them, Father, for they know not what they do." {Luke 23:34}

Jesus died nailed to a cross so that I wouldn't have to. My sins would sentence me to such a death, but the burden was carried for me. My salvation has been purchased, and I am not entitled to it--none of us are. But that is the glory of our Lord! He blesses us with grace we don't deserve, and it rains down on us from His throne in Heaven! Jesus loves us all. He did so while He lived on this earth, and He does so now. He defeated death and is alive! His Spirit lives among us! How marvelous, that is :)

Goodnight, precious loves :) Let us not forget what Easter is all about :)

"Your room smells like Taiwan."

Hahahaha. Thank you, Jennifer, for informing me that my bedroom (which apparently smells like me) smells Asian. Haha. I had forgotten how funny my little sister was :) I really enjoyed spending essentially the whole evening with her :)

After classes today, I finished packing stuff up and then proceeded to haul it down to the ground floor. Not so fun, but it's whatevs. (P.S.- My side of the room looks so empty right now since I brought at least half of my belongings home...) I got back to the house around 4, and around 5 I went with Jenn to put her computer in the shop. While trying to leave the parking lot, her car (Lovley [Yes, that is how it's spelled on the license plate.]) would not start. Yay for being momentarily broken down! Haha. It's okay though, it started after about 5 to 10 minutes, and off we went to Casa Grande! Love that place :) Jenn and I always go there when I come home.

After returning to the house, I spent a good deal of time working on this website for my literature project. I don't have it published just yet since it's not done, but here's what the main page is looking like thus far:

I'm pretty stoked to see how it turns out :)

Around 11:30, I met up with Julie, Jesse, and Destry at the one, the only, WAFFLE HOUSE! I surprised Maegan, and she squealed and gave me one of the greatest hugs ever! She even slipped this little napkin note into my boot:

Haha. I'm going to keep it forever! It made me smile :)

As for the rest of my night.... Well, here I am! Haha.

I plan on getting at least 8 hours of sleep, so goodnight world! I love you!

Late night, crazy night.

By crazy, I mean the "oh my gosh there is so much to do" crazy-- not the "I can't believe that just happened" crazy. Basically, all I've done since 10 is finish writing these current events for my world religions class and pack. Yeah, I have to bring home about half of my belongings tomorrow, which has turned out to be a lot more work than I had anticipated. I'm still not completely finished, but it'll get done. most of what I need to pack up is clothes, and they can be thrown into a suitcase. But anyways...

Today was pretty good. I got to spend some time with Hannah and Kari, and I even got to talk to Nicole and Taylor for a bit. We spent over half of health watching funny youtube videos when we were supposed to be talking about heart disease and cancer.... Yeah, it was as productive as it sounds. I was very happy to get dinner with my beloved Brandi and Hannah :) We talked about how "cool" we were in middle school and how monumental those "he said/she said" dramas used to seem, along with various other things. I just love them :)

Justice team tonight was quite productive. We're trying to decide on a topic for Justice Team large group next semester, and there have been some awesome proposals, which is exciting. I have a feeling that planning for that week is going to get INSANE. Luckily, though, I have until the fall to really stress out over it. Right now, I have enough to worry about aside from that. I need to start making this website for my literature project (which I have gotten SO MUCH help with! THANK YOU!). I also have my skype interview for the family life internship that night, a test the following day, and a weekend that is going to be way to busy given that it's the weekend before finals. Ugh, stress, you are NOT welcome. Please feel free to leave.

On a lighter note, I'm coming home tomorrow for Easter! Yay! So for those of you in Richmond, you will be seeing me soon :) Goodnight all!

Way to procrastinate, self.

Tomorrow is going to be ROUGH. No seriously. I have to go to class, write 3 current events, make my proposal for Justice Team, and pack about half of my belongings up to take home... Good gravy.

But I won't dwell on that right now, because today was nice. My philosophy class got canceled, I got a 2 hour nap in today, and I got to spend some good quality time on the quad with Jenn and Lauren. We had a lot of good legitimate conversation, and those always just leave you feeling good, you know? Delving deeper than small talk or meaningless social dramas is how you get to be vulnerable and really know a person. I love that :) Eventually, a group of SAO girls met up to assemble support letters to be sent out, and that was rather productive. We have 66 that are ready to be mailed! Woop! From there, it was off to Carrier. Taylor and I were later joined by Steph. And even though it is really easy to get distracted when I'm with them, I enjoy spending time with them :) On the walk back to our dorms (in which Taylor and I may or may not have been speaking in accents...) we heard a fire alarm going off. Well, lo and behold the flood of people exiting Eagle Hall. Haha, all I could do was laugh and praise Jesus that I wasn't one of those miserable, sleepy-eyed students trudging down all those flights of stairs. Thank you Jesus, and thank you Carrier for being open until 2 AM! Haha :)

I am a very sleepy bear, and I have to be up in less than 7 hours. Ugh. Why on earth do I do this to myself?

Goodnight loves!

Moments of absurdity,

we all have them. And I can just imagine what God thinks in those periods. I imagine it's much like when you see a small child running around with a jar, capturing fireflies within it. Hoping to have them as a night light, they fail to realize that their luminous friends will all too soon be unable to breathe. They don't see the harm in what they're doing, only focused on their present scheme.

Sometimes, our minds have ridiculous thoughts--ones that judge, ridicule, false-analyze, and confuse. Our Father knows our every thought, and He sees the negativity in it even when we fail to do so. Lucky for us, He is willing to speak into us and brings to light our offensive nature in a way that is full of grace and forgiveness.

I'll take this moment to be blatantly honest, and please know that I'm not trying to get attention or anything of that sort. I don't think of myself as skinny, and I don't particularly consider myself to be any unique kind of beautiful or attractive. Sometimes when I look at myself I only see the flaws. But as I was thinking about that the other night, a thought struck me. God probably thinks I am so rude! Seriously, here I am knocking myself, HIS CREATION. Who am I to judge something that God made and victimize it my own selfish ridicule? No one, that's who. I'd be foolish to think otherwise.

God looks at each and every one of His children (and every piece of His creation) as beautiful, flawless. {Song of Solomon 4:7} By me constantly things I think are "not up to par," I am essentially slapping God in the face. It's kind of a harsh way to think about it, but I think that might kind of be how He feels. In spite of that, it amazes me that His love never ends. Nothing we do, say, or think, can stop Him from showering us with His compassion. Yet, for some reason, it is so hard for us to reciprocate that generosity. But I guess if it were easy, we wouldn't need Jesus or the grace He blesses us with...

On a more surface-level mind-frame, I was pondering something on the way to bus stop today when I took a moment to take in my surroundings. I started comparing man's creation to our Father's, and let me just say, there is no comparison. I looked at the bulky metal bus next to this quaint little tree that was covered in pink blossoms.... See what I'm saying? Nothing God creates is ugly. He made it with intension and purpose. Nothing made by our own means will ever measure up.

I suppose what I'm getting at is that we need to respect God's work, and praise Him for the glory of everything He does. Give thanks for your blessings with your mind, body, and soul. Mere words will never be enough to adequately express how you feel, no matter how poetic or sincere. Rely not on language as a means of expression, but rather the actions of your heart.

Let's show God how much we love Him!

Goodnight dears :)

SURPRISE!!!

The rest of my day today was lovely :) Right after I posted my last post, I saw my friend Ashanti who was here for Choices! Eeep! I'm so excited she's coming here next year! And guess what.... so is my friend Allison! Eeeeeeeep! Both of my darling flyers will be here at JMU with me. SO GREAT! But yes, after I attacked her with a hug, I had lunch with Courtney and Nicole. From there, Courtney and I went with Jenn back to her house to make gluten free brownies for Brandi's birthday :) Yes, tonight we had a surprise birthday party for Brandi!!! It was so great, she had no idea! (Mass kudos to Hannah for organizing everything, and to everyone who was able to keep it a secret!) Sure, there was an awkward incident with the fried ice cream.... but we won't go into that, haha. And(!) Exit 245 came and sang to Brandi! Can we say excitement?! Yes, not only was Bran totally shocked/stoked, but everyone else was excited too! It was just great :) Shoot, this whole evening was awesome! Following dinner, I went back to Hannah and Brandi's room--as did Courtney--and we lit candles atop the birthday brownies while we sang Happy Birthday :) Oh, and let's not forget the ridiculous youtube videos that we watched :)

I love birthdays!
I love surprising people!
I love my sisters!
I love..... YOU! Teehee :)

And since it's officially the 19th, I'm going to just go ahead and say....

HAPPY 20th BIRTHDAY BRANDI!!!

Oh my gosh I love you :) :) :)

Goodnight loves!

Forgive me for my leave of absence.

It's been a pretty busy weekend filled with nights too late to deprive myself of sleep any more than I already did.... So yeah :)

Saturday I treated myself and slept until 12 :) That was the first time I had gotten over 8 hours of sleep in a while (possibly spring break.... yikes). At any rate, I went shopping with Jenn, Taylor, Brittany, and Kirsten, and that was a lovely time. Let me just say, I'm going to start shopping at Plato's more often. The bargains are so great; I can't even handle it. Then, after dinner with Rachel, Kirsten, Brittany, Hannah, and Brandi, we headed over to Relay For Life from 7 PM-7 AM. It was a fun time! Sure, I got maybe an hour of sleep, but it's whatevs. I had a lovely time raising money for and supporting cancer patients/research. I think I will definitely be doing it again next year :) When I got back to the room around 7:15, I crashed until 12:15, which is when I got lunch with Kirsten and Brittany. The rest of the afternoon (until my SAO meeting) was spent studying for my philosophy quiz that I just took. I think I did well! (Fingers crossed!) But yes, the business meeting was good. We got to celebrate Claire and Lauren's engagements! That made me happy :) After the meeting, we got to enjoy the musical stylings of Claire via iPod karaoke! 

So great! Haha. Following that, I went to Hannah and Brandi's room for a bit, called back my mom and Jennifer (who I loved talking to. I never get phone calls from my little sister, so that kind of made my night :) ), and then Hannah and I were off to Carrier for the remainder of the evening. I love Hannah :)

Bah! Well, I'll keep it at that for now, that way I'll have something to post later :) Peace out, cub scouts! 

SAO Formal

was tonight! And it was a lovely time :) I'll probably have more pictures later, but here are two that have been posted so far that I am rather fond of:

 {I love Leslie!}

{Gammas... we like to pose like models :) }

As for what I did for the rest of my day? Well, after my classes I got lunch before meeting up with my long lost friend Allison (who was here for Choices and used to be my flyer at Cheer Factory). It was so nice to see her; it had been far too long! JMU is in her top three picks for schools, and I really hope she comes here :) From there, a group of SAO girls went to Stephanie's apartment to make baked goods (and in Brittany's case, bracelets) to sell at Relay for Life tomorrow. That was fun :) Before we knew it, it was time to do hair and makeup and get dressed for the formal. Like I already said, formal was lovely :) Dancing, playing pool, serenading one another, playing chubby bunny, and taking lots of pictures... it's always a good time :) After formal, a group of us (Hannah, Brandi, Taylor, Courtney, Steph, and myself) all ended up at McDonald's. Naturally, we had a parking lot chat in Hannah's car. (Random side note for my Richmond loves: I MISS PARKING LOT CHATS! This summer, they WILL happen.) But yes, we discussed lots of funny and insightful things. Twas great :) And now here I am in my dorm, all ready for bed and an alarm set for no earlier than 11:15. Tonight's sleep is going to amazing, so let me jump on that :)

I love you all! Goodnight :)

Taylor's going crazy...

as we sit here in Carrier at 2 AM. Sad day.

Today was decent, I'd say. I'm really tired, though, so this is going to be a run-down:

• Psyc.
• Lunch with Taylor.
• Carrier with Hannah.
• Quad with Jenn.
• Later joined/visited by Nicole, Hannah, and Steph.
• Carrier.
• Health.
• Fell asleep.... again.
• Passport event about grad school
• It's scary to think about.
• Dinner in TDU.
• Saw some small group/justice team friends.
• Justice team meeting.
• Carrier with Taylor
• Apparently I have a specific facial expression whenever I'm blogging.
• Now I'm going to be self-conscience about it... Haha.

Goodnight loves!

P.S.- Please look at this and laugh!

HAHAHAHAHA!

Photoshoots by Mikaela Steinwedell :)

 ΣΑΩ♥

P.B.♥ (Small Group)

I feel so blessed to have these girls in my life :)

{Click to enlarge!}

You do NOT want to know

what is being looked up in Carrier right now...

Yeah, I'm just not even going to go into that. Haha.

Well, today was much less stressful than I had anticipated! My professor said I did well on my presentation, I got a 95 on my quiz in world religions, and I got back an exam in philosophy (which I got a 92 on)! I did some poster making with SAO loves, and Brandi and I got a little glitter happy :) Twas great! Then we did some poster hanging before I went to dinner with a group of my sisters :) Then, it was off to Carrier! I haven't really had any work to do, so I've just been hanging out with Hannah, Brandi, and Beth :) And(!) I got to skype Heather! YAY :D So great I tell you. Today, overall, has been nice, even despite not getting into the classes I needed... Thank you, Lord, for providing me with peace :)

Goodnight loves!

The words "I love you"

mean so much. I don't know about you, but it means the world to me. Sometimes hearing it from my friends makes me want to cry in the happy sort of way. It's an awesome feeling, and I feel so incredibly blessed to be loved by them, because I know that I love them so very much! I was telling some girls in my small group last night that, especially since coming to college, I have been thanking God so much for the friends He has blessed me with. Yes, you are all blessings. The people He has placed in my life have not only shown me more love and support than I deserve, but they have also built me up tremendously in my faith. And when I think about it, the basis of my closest relationships is God! My Richmond loves, IV friends, small group girls, and beloved SAO sisters.... all of them. Thank you, God, for your grace and compassion! If this is what it feels like to be loved by your children, I cannot imagine how it will feel to hear YOU say, "I love you."

Goodnight, loves!

I am NOT a lobster!

Today was lovely. Twas a quad day of perfection!

My friend Mina (from small group) and I grabbed lunch and ventured over to the quad. It was so nice to sit and really talk to her. I never had before, and I thoroughly enjoyed it. She is just so sweet and open :) I do love her! From there I wandered over to see Jenn and Leslie. Our lovely little SAO powwow varied throughout the day, but it also included Brittany, Taylor, Hannah, Stephanie, Rachel, and Nicole.

(Taylor and Brittany were not aware I was creeping on them... Haha.)

For those who were wondering, I spent approximately 5 1/2 hours out in the sun. Some of my sisters (**cough cough Stephanie!**) think that I am SO sunburnt right now--that I am on lobster status. I, however, just think that my skin is tan with a bit of a red hue. Haha! I do have a really interesting set of tan lines though. Thank you, romper! Haha.

Small group tonight was really great. I love hearing testimonies and being able to pray over each other in regards to our faith and spiritual development in our relationship with Christ :) It is truly uplifting and encouraging!

I came back to the dorm after small group, and I got to talk to Brianna for a little bit! I love her! And, and strange as it may sound, I miss her! I feel like I'm running around so much, and our schedule are so different, that I never get a chance to see her! Thus, I am thankful that we got to have a legit conversation tonight (as opposed to small talk in passing). Next year we won't have this problem. Eeep! I cannot wait to have her as my roommate :)

The rest of my night consisted of showering and completing the psyc reading and quiz that I did not know about until about 10 pm. Fail. Oh well, I got a 15 out of 15 on the quiz! Woop woop!

Paige pointed out this verse tonight while we were at small group.

“Look at the nations and watch— 
   and be utterly amazed. 
For I am going to do something in your days 
   that you would not believe, 
   even if you were told."
{Habakkuk 1:5}

1) I like it a lot! 2) I had never heard of this book of the Bible before tonight. Craziness.

I love you all so much! Goodnight :)

"I feel like I'm in a jungle right now."

Welcome to Carrier after-hours, featuring:

 Hannah,

 Courtney,

 myself,

and Stephanie (so cute!).

Yeah.... hahaha. Anyways, today was good. A group of us SAO sisters went to Ekklesia this morning, where we heard a sermon on sisterhood and to sang "Sanctuary" for the congregation. Twas a lovely service indeed :) Lunch with Hannah, Brandi, and Courtney was lovely. And after swiping into UREC for an hour to fulfill my log requirement for health (so dumb), I went back to my dorm to finish my analysis and do laundry. I watched Sleeping Beauty while I worked on my paper :) I know I watched it yesterday, but it's just so good! Also, I had a bit of a fail with the washing machine. Somehow, I managed to obtain a super banged up (and mildly deformed) quarter. When I tried to put it in the slot, it didn't fit. So there I sat for almost 5 minutes trying to force this quarter in the slot, and it wouldn't even budge! I even asked this random guy if he could help me. In the end, I was able to remove the quarter from the slot and just use another one. Fail. As per usual, I had dinner at Festival before the SAO meeting, which was lovely :) I gave a devotional on serving/ministering to others out of love, not obligation. (Thank you Love Joint retreat for the scripture and message!) It went pretty well, I'd say. I wasn't as nervous as I thought I would be, so that's good. We concluded our meeting early, and at 7 we all headed over to JMU One, a worship experience designed to unite JMU's campus ministries. I was only able to stay for about 45 minutes, but what I got to partake in was really great! (From what I heard, the event was incredibly awesome and uplifting. Praise!) I met up with a girl from my literature class to work on our presentation, and I think we're pretty set! (Even if we did have one of our group members flake out...) And yeah, the rest of my night was spent with the crazy hooligans you see pictured above :) I love them, I really do. With all of my heart :)

Oh, and Hannah wanted me to mention that I had a major fail moment when we were leaving the library. As I was slinging my backpack over my shoulder, my elbow slammed into the power strip on the column behind me. I wasn't going to mention it, but I decided I would do it to make Hannah happy :)

Goodnight loves!

5 pages, 2 Disney classics, and a shower later

I am ready to hit the sack. My paper is DONE! Has it been proof-read? No. Will it? Probably not. All I have to do is write my analysis of it and I will be all good. (And in case you were wondering, the Disney movies were played so that I wouldn't be working in complete and utter silence.)

As for today, it was pretty awesome :) I got up early to do the Big Event, which is basically a day of service at JMU. I, along with some of my SAO loves, got to help an organization prepare for a health fair tomorrow. Easy, fun, and rather relaxing. Woop woop! From there, I hung out in Hannah and Brandi's room for a bit before heading over to the arboretum  for a photo shoot with my small group! Haha, two photo shoots in two days?! It's pretty legit, not gonna lie :) Our small group was also able to get dinner together off campus, which was delicious. Oh! And we found out that Colicia (one of the girls in my small group) is engaged! AHH! So exciting. But yes, my life since then has revolved around this paper. Wahh. College life....

Goodnight loves!

This weekend's to do list:

• JMU's Big Event (day of service).
• Small group hangout.
• Write my GHUM paper.
• Church.
• Work on GHUM project.
• SAO meeting.
• JMU One (campus ministries' joint worship night).
• Finish writing GHUM paper.

This paper is going to be ROUGH. As is this project. Ugh, procrastination. This list may not look long, but believe me when I say that Sunday night is probs going to be an all-nighter. Yikes.

At any rate, today was good. I only kind of fell asleep in ethical reasoning, the SAO photo shoot was fun, I got to wear my rain shoes, and I had a lovely little rendez-vous at Walmart with Hannah and Brandi :)

I'll post some of the photo shoot pictures when they're edited and put up next week :) I love you all! And please be praying that I maintain my sanity this weekend, because right now I'm not too optimistic.

Goodnight dears!

{Joshua 1:9}

"Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.”

Discouraged. That is what I am. It's not in every aspect of my life, only certain parts. Things that I used to want so badly and had a fiery passion for have dimmed sufficiently. Not just that, but I feel so easily defeated these days, like nothing I do gets me any further along. It's more frustrating than anything else. All of the effort that gets put in is essentially worthless once the task has run its course. And the overwhelming sensation of everything being stacked on top of me all at once is mentally and physically draining--new weights constantly being added. All of this frustration and stress has made me especially sensitive, ridiculously so. I was reading my book in the library when a friend came up and knocked the book out of my hand (it was meant to be funny, it wasn't the first time it had been done), and the only response I could muster was a heavy sigh and an eye-roll. When my friend came over to say sorry (since I clearly didn't find it funny), my eyes starting watering up.... Irrational! I couldn't even believe the over-reaction. Even minor statements of sarcasm have caused a slight twinge of offense, which is also irrational because, like I said, it's sarcasm. The motivation is lacking and I'm in this awkward mindset where I want one thing but don't want to miss another. I like what I'm doing but not the stressors that come along with it. The late nights are taking a toll, but there seems to be no way around them. Like I said, discouraged. This verse is really encouraging; I just wish I could allow it to comfort me. I think I might be in a funk, y'all. But the biggest issue is I don't know where to start in regards to fixing it. Better yet, what exactly do I need to be altering?

^"23 Search me, God, and know my heart;
   test me and know my anxious thoughts. ²⁴ See if there is any offensive way in me,
   and lead me in the way everlasting."
{Psalm 139:23-24}

This is certainly going to be requiring a great deal of faith on my part. I can't do this alone, dear Father; please help a daughter out. Lord knows I need it!

Goodnight loves.

Let me just sum up last night for you...

Oh yeah, and we each had at least one test today.... Oh dear.

Relay for Life

Hello loves. Many of you may not know, but in a little over a week I will participating in JMU's Relay for Life with my sorority, Sigma Alpha Omega, and we could certainly use your help. If you are willing and able, please click here and make a donation to our team. (Or, if you would rather donate to a specific individual, you can click on their name and make a donation there.) Every cent raised will go to the American Cancer Society.

Our team got off to a bit of a rough start in this endeavor, but I'm hoping that with your support we can meet our goal and then-some :) I love you all!

For more information on Relay for Life, click here.

You know that kind of hollow feeling

where you feel like something is missing? It could be a person, a place, or something that meant a lot to you. You look back on fond memories and just wish you could rest in that place for more than the mere moment your memory offers you. These glimpses are not negative, rather just the opposite. But sometimes realizing that such moments don't exist anymore is like that moment when you realize that the little drizzle you thought you were standing in is really a torrential downpour. You're unsure of how or when it happened, and you wonder how much time has really passed. It's strange. Some may think that the introduction of new joys and experiences replace the ones you leave behind, but that fails to account for the fact that memories are never permanently lost. Some past images can be re-created, others cannot. Either way, there seems to be a fine line between past and present. The question isn't just whether or not you can reconnect with the things on the other side, but whether or not those things are willing to let you back in.

Monday.

Today was pretty good I think (minus not doing too well on my world religions quiz and getting ZERO work done). After classes, I got lunch with Samantha, mailed my internship application, and headed over to the Clothesline Project.

This event included hundreds of shirts (the ones above and attached to this link were from other event locations) made by JMU students [and the Harrisonburg community] that told their stories of rape and sexual abuse. Some shirts were in support of friends/family who were abused, others were personal accounts of survival. Seeing all of these stories hanging up all over the room was really intense. One shirt in particular was made by a girl who was raped and impregnated at the age of 17. She never said anything about what happened, and the same guy ended up raping her best friend too. When she got the abortion, her reproductive organs were damaged to the point where she can no longer have children. I almost cried when I read one of the last sentences at the bottom: "To the children I can never have, I think about you every day." I did not realize before today how prevalent sexual violence and abuse is in our society. There were hundreds of shirts from JMU students alone, and those are just the ones who decided to speak out! I need to find some way to help; I want to so badly! I think I may talk to my SAO sister, Jenn, about C.A.R.E.; they're trained to help peers who are struggling with sexual assault. Even though seeing all of these tragedies displayed was heartbreaking, it was a definite reality check and wake-up call for me. I would most certainly rather be broken than naive.

After leaving the event, I was able to spend some quality time with some sisters on the quad. I enjoyed relaxing and soaking up some sun, even if I have mild tan lines from my sunglasses..... yikes. Hannah, Courtney, and myself went to the Groove tonight, where our friend Talita taught a few tracks. She did so well! I certainly enjoyed it :) Then it was off to small group as per usual, and from there I went to Carrier. However, I wasn't doing homework. I skyped with Heather, chatted with Elizabeth and Stephanie, and called my friend Luke. By that time it was after 12, so I decided to just come back to Eagle. And well loves, I am ready for bed.

Before I go though, I just kind of want to go on a mini-tangent. We are all broken, and we all are either facing or coping with struggles. They may pertain to us or someone dear to us. Regardless, we need to make ourselves available to be a listening ear and support system. Reassure your friends that you are praying for them; let them know that you care. If they trust you enough to confide in you, don't disvalue that. No hardship is insignificant, and none should ignored. Our Father blesses and comforts us even in the smallest of obstacles; let us mirror that love and compassion. Take the time to listen, really listen.

Goodnight loves.