The 2010 reflection post.

What a crazy, hectic, and beautiful year it has been! It's so crazy to think back to where I was in January compared to where I am now. Honestly, I may have changed more in the past 365 days than I have my entire life. I've gotten closer to so many friends, and I've grown closer to God :) I've cut 12 inches of hair off my head, been on my first retreat ever, danced in Miami, choreographed my own piece, graduated high school, gone on tour with youth choir, embarked on a life-altering missions trip to Brazil, and now I'm in college! What a whirl-wind this has been. I seriously am blown away with the blessings I have in my life. God has given me more opportunities than I could have ever dreamed of, and He's given me more love than I could have asked for.

You, my friends, have done more for me than I can say. You've filled my heart with so much happiness and compassion, that I honestly don't know how to contain it, haha! You all mean everything to me. I care about you more than anything else on this earth, and I thank you so much for the ways in which you've impacted my life. You are my most beloved family, and I cannot wait to see where this next year will take us :)

In regards to 2011, I don't really have a resolution. I rarely do, actually. I suppose I will give it a great deal of thought over the course of the day. After all, I have until the ball drops! Goodnight loves :)

P.S.- God keeps "randomly" {of course, nothing God does is ever random} showing me that He controls everything, and He is dropping hints that I am pursuing the right career path. I don't really know how to describe it, and I don't know how much sense it all makes. However, I am quite excited about it nonetheless :D

Oh, and as horribly cliche as this might be, I wanted to quote some song lyrics from Nicki Minaj that I heard today and was rather fond of:

"But to live doesn't mean you're alive."

"No, I'm not lucky, I'm blessed, yes."

"Cause everybody dies but not everybody lives."

A simple smile :)

Warmed with a gleam,
glistening and radiating throughout.
Sparked at the core,
pulsing everywhere.
Even ponds with midnight centers
illuminate and smile,
just as they would at day’s edge.
A little child soaring
on sweet clouds of glittering elation.
Simple dreams.
Simple joys.
Simple satisfaction.
By no means dwelling in simplicity,
yet dancing in it’s splendor.
If only there wasn’t this physical limit,
and one could fly into showering light.
Absorb that heat,
and let it burn through the exterior.
No longer confined to the internal,
no walls or boundaries.
The barricade shattered,
beautiful and uncontrolled--
beyond our fathomed notions.
Gloriously standing ahead in full-figure,
one can only run towards it whole-heartedly,
and be embraced forever more.

"Baby I miss you."

I miss you too,
but I'm worried about you.
I feel like I know nothing about you anymore.
In my heart I fear you've gone astray;
I'm not sure I can bring you back.
I've prayed about it;
that may be all I can do.
It's just strange,
because you helped me find myself--
who He wants me to be.
Where are you now, love?
What changed?

"It's a classic!"

Today was so much fun! Once I got up and got ready for the day, I went shopping with my dearest Heather :) We hit up Teavana, Urban, Starbucks, Cold Stone, and Saxon. Woop woop! We looked in Nordstrom too, but that was a fail... so yeah. I thoroughly enjoyed myself, and I even got myself some Frye boots!

Thank you Heather and Lauren for helping persuade me :) I really do like them. Then, not long after getting back to my casa, Jenn and I headed over to padre's. Jennifer drove; it was kind of cool to be chauffeured. Anyways, we ate baked chicken and rice, which was followed up by a Buffy mini-marathon with Jenn. I forgot how much I love that show. It's funny though, because neither Jennifer nor I can stand to watch when characters are embarrassing themselves {even though it's clearly not reality}. There was one part where Buffy did something totally humiliating, and Jennifer immediately hollered, "You want to go get pudding?!" And we darted off of the sofa and into the kitchen, haha. Maybe you had to be there, but it really was quite humorous. At any rate, I spent the remainder of my evening with lots of lovely friends at Elizabeth's :) We watched Tosh.O, and this really scandalous, awful movie called Showgirls. J. Blair called it a "classic," but he had never seen it uncensored. Yeah, that's all I'm going to say about that, haha! Around 2, we all went to Waffle House. Maegan wasn't there, which was a bummer; but it was still fun. And yeah, now I'm home. I kind of wanted to go find and read some of Conversations with God, but it's 4:30 AM.... fail. Well, I think I shall go to bed shortly. I love you all! Goodnight :)

"Did I hear You speak?

Or was I just thinking?" {Silence, The Ember Days}
... I kind of feel like this song is the story of my life sometimes.

And for those who enjoy reading the daily break-downs, here it is:

• Left Emma's around 10:30 and came home.
• Lunch date at Panera with Kelly :)
• Lovely hangout day at my aunts.
• Funny conversations with my cousins, April and Molly.
• Lots of yummy food.
• Resident Evil: Afterlife
• Uncle Jeff snoring.
• Gift exchanging.
• Skype date with Heavs while buying my books for next semester.
• They cost almost $400.
• Crazy!

I think I may go read now. Goodnight loves.

But before I do that, here are some songs/jingles that I just cannot get out of my head!





Sorry if that was random. I just thought I'd share.

Have you ever had a prayer

where you asked God to take the pain/burden/struggle of someone else and have it placed on you instead? I'm not sure if God would ever act on such a prayer, but I find myself trying nonetheless. I ask fervently and rather often, even if it isn't spoken aloud. I want so badly to just take away the hurt in others' lives. I want them to be happy, and I pray for that as well. I don't know, I just feel like there are things I can do to help. But I'm stuck wondering if they even want my assistance or if it would be beneficial. However, that "help" of which I just spoke is purely a secular plan-of-action. Part of me knows that isn't that most efficient way of going about it, though. I think the reason I have to contemplate that so often is because I feel like it's my job to change things--make them better if possible--because I want to. But this isn't about me... It's about what I can do for my friends, even if they don't want to tell me what's on their mind. I'm not exactly sure where I was going with this post, and it probably doesn't make much sense. I just wish more could be done on my part...

I feel like I used to be better at this.

I sleep a lot...

When I don't have plans for the day, I am such a bum, haha. Seriously, I slept on the sofa until 12:30ish. And once I got up, showered, and ate some food, I took an hour-long nap on the sofa before getting myself presentable. Sleep is good, dear friends :) At any rate, I got myself together before going over to my dad's house. I didn't eat dinner there, but I enjoyed some hot tea while he and Jenn ate. Then, at 7, I met up with Samantha, Lauren, and Emma {from my IV small group} at Red Robin for dinner. Then we Red Box-ed a movie to watch at out sleepover :) We watched Date Night, and it was quite amusing. Once the movie was done, we ate pie/cake and just sat/stood around the island in the kitchen and talked about all sorts of things. It was nice to just have a conversation about each others' lives, not matter how small or seemingly insignificant. We don't generally have conversations like that during IV, so it was a cool opportunity to get to know them as individuals, not just "girls in my small group." I think that's kind of true in general, though. Because even though you can come to know a person spiritually, it's hard to grow with them in Christ if you haven't established a basic relationship with them first. Those small moments of laughing, confiding, and listening can make all the difference in the world. Simple things like: Are you an introvert or an extrovert? Do you struggle with family issues? What is your view on other people who hold different values? Do you cry to others or in solitude? It's the little things that shape who we are as a person. Basic things that you may not think are important can be one of your most defining factors--of that I am convinced. I suppose all of this is just a rant that basically says that I've really enjoyed the time I've had with my friends tonight, and I feel closer to them because of it :) Right now, we're all just sitting/laying in the dark in Emma's room, and I'm the only one on a computer... Haha! So I suppose I'll stop being an odd-ball now and get some sleep. Goodnight lovelies! Pleasant dreams!

Pictures

I just thought I'd share some pictures from Christmas Eve and Christmas :)

 {My sisters and I at my Mommom's.}

{With the Cousins! Molly, me, Jenn, April, and Candice.}

 {The dogs stalk my mom, always.}

 {Grandma's...}

 {Candice and Jenn}

{It was cold, just saying...}

"Colin, oww! That was a headshot!"

I wasn't necessarily "snowed in" today, but my mother didn't want me driving around everywhere. Thus, I slept until the glorious hour of 12:30, and ate more food than I should have about an hour later, haha. My meal was followed by some chill time with the dogs. Here's a glimpse:

 {Cheese cubes}

 {Pigs in a blanket}

 {Chocolate peppermint yule log}

 {Lucky!}

 {The background on the downstairs computer... so old!}

{I don't know, haha... But Zack certainly looks comfy!}

Yeah, I take pictures when I get bored, haha. Anyways, I ended up sitting around the table while talking to my mom and sister for quite some time. And I later took a nap at the foot of my mother's bed until it was time to get all bundled up for some sledding with lovely friends! I picked Kelly up, and we ventured over to Elizabeth's. What was originally thought to be a small group ordeal turned into about a rather large gathering. And after a location fail we ended up at Echo Lake Elementary. Woop woop! That just so happened to be where I went to school as a child, so that was fun :) Daniel claims it's, "where we first fell in love," but he's just silly. Haha! I believe the most epic trip down the hill was when I had Heather and Kelly on top of me :) Twas great! After we were done sledding, we pit-stopped by Wawa {where Josh bought me some much appreciated sweet tea!} and then went to Elizabeth's casa. Let me just say, Tosh.0 is one of the funniest things ever! Haha, we can not even believe that show. Oh! And Carlton made hot chocolate for everyone. He is the sweetest :) Once the south side crew left, the rest of us watched the move Old School, which was quite humorous indeed. Kelly and I were the last to leave, and after I took her home I ventured over to the south side to take Heather her keys. The roads were clear, and all was good. On a separate note, I'm sleeping on the sofa tonight. I didn't get back home until 3 AM, and I didn't think my mother would appreciate me getting in the shower. I could sleep in my bed, but I don't like getting in my bed when I feel dirty. So yeah, I've got my blanket and I am ready for some slumber. Goodnight dears! I love you :)

Christmas day

I hope you all had a wonderful Christmas! I hope it was filled with love, joy, and excitement, because you all definitely deserve that :)

I'm actually not going to go into details about my day or anything, because quite honestly it might end up sounding like a "bummer boots" story. I did realize today, however, just how much emphasis is placed on material good and money when it comes to Christmas. I don't particularly like it, not at all. I suppose the biggest factor in that was the recurring pattern of seeing my family members give gifts to people that all equalled the same dollar amount {put simply, the same mount of money was spent on everyone}. I didn't have many presents under the tree, which I didn't mind. But once all the presents downstairs were opened, my mom asked me to go upstairs with her. She handed me a fifty dollar bill and told me she was sorry {because I didn't get that many gifts}. I told her that I didn't need it, that I didn't care about how many presents I got. But she's stubborn, and told me to go put it in my room. I literally cried a little bit when I took it to my room. It was given to me out of guilt, and I honestly felt a little ashamed. Christmas is not supposed to be about how much we get, and it certainly isn't about giving because of guilt. In that moment, I wanted nothing more than to be sitting at church, worshipping God and celebrating Jesus's birth properly. I wanted to read my Bible, discuss scripture, and put emphasis on the gift of Christ. That focus is lacking when I celebrate with my family, which is why I don't get as much enjoyment out of it anymore. It seems like everything is "I got this... I wanted that... Why aren't we doing this... It's not like they're going to give us that much anyway..." Really? I heard statements like that throughout the day, and each time my heart felt a sharp pang. It is not about the presents! You have no idea how many times I wanted to shout that today. Sometimes I feel like I'm the only one in the family who remembers that, and it makes me sad. God gave us Jesus so that Jesus could give us everything. Our Father and Lord are selfless! They gave, they give, and they will continue to give forevermore! They demand nothing from us. So why should we insist upon receiving? Why can we not just give out of love and do so with a happy heart? In all honesty, I do love the holiday season, but today was not my happiest of days throughout the season. The highlights of Christmas, for me, was giving to my friends and watching their faces light up with excitement. I loved seeing them happy, and giving them a small symbol of how much I love and adore them. Despite the things I was given today, the things that meant the most were the videos, texts, and wall posts of my friends wishing me a merry Christmas, and simply saying "I love you." Those things meant the world to me, because they were sincere. I love you all so very much! I feel so incredibly blessed to have you all in my life, words cannot even begin to express it. I hope you all had an amazing Christmas! I'd love to hear about what you all did and the highlights of your day! Let us praise Jesus for His presence on this Earth! Although He suffered tremendoudly, He never stopped/stops giving to us, and He has given us the ultimate gift of eternal life and salvation with our Father :) Thank you, God, for the birth of your Son :) Goodnight loves.

"For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life."
{John 3:16}


"In everything I did, I showed you that by this kind of hard work we must help the weak, remembering the words the Lord Jesus himself said: ‘It is more blessed to give than to receive.’ ”
{Acts 20:35}


"Each of you should give what you have decided in your heart to give, not reluctantly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver."
{2 Corinthians 9:7}

Let me just say this:

I am tired of having to organize our holiday plans all the time. All I ever hear are complaints, and it makes me angry. If you care so much, then why don't you pick up the phone and figure it out yourself? Ugh. Oh well, I'm going to go deliver gifts to the two adorable children next door. At least I know that they are filled with Christmas cheer! I hope everyone's day is going well! Love you all!

Happy Birthday Jesus!

Since my last post, I have come home, gone to my Mommom's house for dinner and gifts with my cousins, aunt, and uncle also in attendance {hopefully pictures will be available soon}. Since then, I have showered, read some of my Bible, and now I'm here. I was thinking about Jesus's birth, since it is technically Christmas, and I realized that no matter what presents are wrapped for me under my tree, no gift will ever match God's gift of His beloved Son. All of these secular, material presents will soon be gone and done away with, but the gift of the Lord is never-ending and omnipresent. God blessed the world with a Savior, one who is always giving to us regardless of the calendar date. Every day we are showered with unfailing love, and we are fortunate enough to receive unconditional mercy and grace. God gave that gift to us. And it was given to us in the form of baby Jesus on this day so many years ago. Give thanks to your Father today, and sing "happy birthday" to our dear Jesus Christ; it's the least He deserves, don't you think? I suppose what's even more incredible about that is that God doesn't demand that He receive anything {though of course he deserves unending and countless praises}. That should be our mindset on this most joyful day. Find happiness in giving to others, and focus not on what is being given to you. Embrace the heart of our Father and demand nothing in return; simply love others as He does :) I know for me, I find the most joy in making others happy, and today shall be no different. Merry Christmas, my sweet loves! I love you so very much! May your day be filled with the love and elation of our most holy King :)

⁹ An angel of the Lord appeared to them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them, and they were terrified. ¹⁰ But the angel said to them, “Do not be afraid. I bring you good news that will cause great joy for all the people. ¹¹ Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; he is the Messiah, the Lord. ¹² This will be a sign to you: You will find a baby wrapped in cloths and lying in a manger.”

 ¹³ Suddenly a great company of the heavenly host appeared with the angel, praising God and saying,

 ¹⁴ “Glory to God in the highest heaven,
   and on earth peace to those on whom his favor rests.”

{Luke 2:9-14}

^" 6 For to us a child is born, 
   to us a son is given, 
   and the government will be on his shoulders. 
And he will be called 
   Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, 
   Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace. 
⁷ Of the greatness of his government and peace 
   there will be no end."
{Isaiah 9:6-7}

On the night of Christmas Eve Eve...

Hola! Sorry I didn't post last night. Heather and I were up until about 4 AM, so yeah; haha. At any rate, yesterday was simply lovely :) I had a much anticipated lunch date with Nikki at Fizzle Gizzle, which was followed up with some Stizz and me giving her her gift :) She loved it, and that made my heart extremely joyful :) Also, Nikki and I have the greatest conversations. I love it. I often feel as though we're basically the same in several aspects; it's nifty :) Once we departed, I went home to wrap a gift, print a picture, and then I ended up giving my neighbor a ride to the mall. I was going to deliver said gift after that, but I had left it at home {so dumb}. Anyways, I went back to my house and got it, and then I drove over to Elsbeth's to gift it to her :) I think she really liked it, and that made me happy :) When I left her house, I met Jenn at Target to pick out some presents for our neighbors Quinn and Xander, a few things for Mommom, and some chocolate chips and Step Up 3 for Heather and I :) Indeed, last night was Heather and I's sleepover/gift exchange/fondu night! And let me just say, it was legit. The fondu was enjoyed by all; none of the cheese went to waste. We had chocolate later on, but we had A LOT left over, so now the Tobeys have fudge balls, haha. At any rate, I watched A Christmas Story with Heather, Mama Tobz, and Papa Tobz, and Heather and I watched Step Up 3 later. We paused the movie once it was officially Christmas Eve, though, so that we could open our presents :) I LOVE all of my gifts, and Heather loved hers as well :D WE even got each other the same onesies from Urban, just in different colors, haha!

But yes, last night was lovely. I seriously love just being here and sitting in front of the fire while conversing with Heather into the wee hours of the morning; it's one of my favorite places to be :) As for this morning, Heather and I ate breakfast, ate some chocolate, drank some hot tea, and now I'm blogging while she enjoys a walk with her parentals :) Merry Christmas Eve everyone! I can tell it's going to be a lovely holiday :)

"I didn't know Johnny Bravo was illiterate..."

I don't think any of us did, haha!

Well friends, today has been lovely, truly. After waking up and taking a trip to the bank, I went to lunch with the beautiful Kelly and my long-lost gorgeous Lindsay. I'm so glad we got to hang out. It made my heart happy and hopeful :) Once we ate our sushi lunch, we went to Starbucks for drinks and people stalking {I know "people watching" sounds less creepy, but whatevs, haha!}. I just loved our time together; I don't know what else to say! Then, I ventured into the chaos that is Short Pump to meet up with my dear Heather. We were trying to get some Teavana, but they aren't serving drinks until after Christmas {so dumb!}. Elsbeth met up with us while we were there, and she gave us our Christmas presents :) I love my owl! And I still cannot believe she made it! Elsbeth, I love you, and I envy your skill :) Sadly, Elsbeth had to go babysit, and Heather and I walked over to Starbucks since Teavana was clearly a fail. We ordered our drinks, observed some very snippy customers, and sat and talked for a lovely long while :) Thank you, my dear Heather, for constantly making me laugh and bringing a smile to my face :) I do love you! Once we departed, I drove over to my dad's for dinner. Pizza, yum! When we were done eating, I talked to my dad for a bit while "pretty boy swag"-ing it awkwardly around the downstairs, haha. My dad didn't know what the heck I was doing, but he laughed along with me nonetheless :) Jennifer just kind of shook her head, but that's really no surprise, ha! I left there a little early to come home and work on Christmas cards. Then, not long before 9, I went over to Elizabeth's so that we could exchange gifts before the group hang-out. I love my presents, and she loved hers :) She actually put on the turtle earrings right after I gave them to her, which made me smile :) I just love it when my friends get excited :) Then, some of the crew came over to join in on the fun. We ended up watching the Powerpuff Girls and Johnny Bravo, which was awesome! I love television shows from my childhood! But yes, aside from that we just joked around, talked, and played with toy musical instruments, haha. I do love my friends, so very much! They make my heart oh so happy! I would have gone to Waffle House with everyone, but I was too stuffed and too tired. When I came home, however, I realized that so much wrapping needed to be done! Thus, I ended up wrapping what I believe was a total of nine presents. I'm sorry, but I am so sick of wrapping presents! Haha. And I was talking to Jennifer before I even started and she was like, "Go downstairs and start wrapping. SHUN!" So harsh. I told her I wanted to giver her coal. Unfortunately, I don't know where I would come across any, so I settled for giving her the ghetto-wrapped present. That's right sister, you get the scraps!

I think she'll appreciate that ;) Well loves, I am rather exhausted. Tomorrow is going to be a long but simply amazing day! Goodnight!

Oh, and this song/music video makes me really happy too :)

Reunions, surprise visits, kidnappings, and cinnamon buns.

I loved today! Okay, so I started my day by going to lunch with my friend Will from high school who I haven't hung out with in approximately 3 years. It wasn't awkward at all, and we were able to just talk and have a good time. It certainly was nice to catch up :) Then I came home and got out of my car two find these two crazy boys {they literally came out of nowhere} at the end of my drive way:

{Luke really loved that cat.}

I proceeded to talk to them for a good 30 minutes or so, and after a while I decided that I wanted to kidnap Juliana and take her on a Starbucks date! She is so cute, and I love her to death! We ordered our drinks {caramel frappuccino and earl grey tea latte} and sat down at the games table. Juliana beat me so bad at checkers, haha.

{I was red... Haha!}

I told her before we started that I was bad, and she then mentioned that she was actually very good at the game, haha. Red flag! Anyways, we enjoyed multiple rounds of connect four, followed by a few rounds of jenga.

{This was literally the most legit game of jenga I've ever played. This random guy came in and even stopped and stared at our tower and was like, "nice." So great.}

I had so much fun with my little love! I think I'll kidnap her more often :) Once I took her home, I came back to my house for a while before going to Casa Grande for dinner with Jenn. Twas good, but of course it always is. Then, after working on a few Christmas cards, I went over to Kathryn's for a lovely evening of Easy A, conversating, and cinnamon buns :) I had a very good time indeed. And this is really random, but I love hugging my little Kathryn! Not only do I love her, but I also just really love how little she is, haha. If you're reading this Kathryn, I hope you don't hate me for saying that! And now here I am, sitting in my living room and getting ready to call it a night. Sleep well, dear loves! I love you all :)

This won't be too long

because I am ZONKED.

I had a lovely lunch date with Missy today! She is such a dear, and I love her very much :) After the completion of our meal, I took care of some Christmas shopping before coming back to my casa. I had to straighten a few things up before my mom got home, and then I headed over to my dad's. It was taco night, and that made me quite happy :) Afterwards, Jenn and I curled up on the sofa, wearing my daddy's sweatshirts {because it never ceases to be freezing in his house}, and watched the Disney channel. Dad joined us after a while, and we enjoyed both Phineas & Ferb and Beauty and the Beast. I was satisfied :) Once returning to mom's, I spent a great deal of time on facebook, blogger, twitter, etc., and I just finished wrapping presents that I promised Jennifer I would wrap. I'm just so tired! Ahh!

But I had to get that done before going to bed, because I told Jenn I would. Oh yeah, and has anyone else ever noticed that a majority of the bows in the gift bow bags are red?! It's so annoying! That's why all but one of these presents has a red bow, because I want to use them all up! At any rate, I really do need to get some sleep. My head is starting to feel heavy. Goodnight loves! Sleep well!

Dear Heather,

I find it quite mean for you to tease me in such a fashion. Had I known you would post something in that nature, I would have been prepared to reciprocate. However, all of your presents are wrapped in Disney princess wrapping paper and sitting in my bedroom. Although I do not find this to be fair, I am going to have to resentfully surrender this particular "battle" if you will. If I didn't love you so much, I would be bitter. Haha! LOVE YOU ALWAYS AND FOREVER! MORE! THE END :D

Love,
Stephanie

I LOVE CHRISTMAS!

Not only because of the lovely baby Jesus, but also because it gives me an excuse to give gifts to my lovely friends!!!!!! BAHHH! I LOVE GIVING PRESENTS! I'm off to go wrap some now :)

My heart is happy.

It's the greatest time of year!

AND IT'S HERE!  Bahhh! I do have the most amazing friends ever! I started off my morning with a cuddle sesh with Heather and Kelly, which was full of laughter and funny pictures. Then, once we got dressed and whatnot, we got some breakfast at Whole Foods before church. At the conclusion of the service, Heather and I had the pleasure of enjoyed the worship stylings of Ellory and Elysia. Haha! Those girls crack me up, for real. Once we got them away from the microphones, the four of us drove over to Sweet Frog for some lunch. I had the twangiest blueberry froyo EVER! But the lunch date in itself was simply lovely. Ellory played paparazzi, we discussed sibling quarrels from our childhood, and we basically just laughed... a lot :) I took Heather home after that, and upon my return home I crashed on the sofa. PRAISE! I wish the nap could have lasted longer, but alas Jennifer woke me up {like I asked her to} so that we could be on time getting to my dad's house. We enjoyed dinner before decorating the tree, hanging stockings, soaking up the warmth of the fire {which made me SO happy!}, and listening to Christmas music via Music Choice. Oh, and my dad made delicious brownies! Yummm! I was a spoiled little girl tonight, and I kind of loved it :) Not long after I got back to my mom's house, Kelly came over so that we could exchange gifts! I absolutely love my present :) And the lovely card that came with it :) My gift shall be hung on my wall ASAP when I get back to school :) Bahh! And Kelly loved my gifts to her, which made me very, very happy inside. We immediately made use of the crimper. {You really should have seen the expression of pure, innocent excitement on Kelly's face when she opened it; it made my life :) } Our hair strands were straight out of the 90s. So great! Later on, I accompanied Kim, Elizabeth, and Eric on a Waffle house trip! We saw and attack-hugged Maegan, took pictures/videos, put disgusting things in Eric's water, and had a good time just being loud and goofy like we always are :) I love my friends! I love the time we spend together! I love how happy and complete they make me feel! And I love that the feeling is mutual :) But of course, you all know how much I love you :) {At least I hope so!} What's crazy though, is the changes that have been occurring in my relationship with my family. This is something I did a lot of praying about during Friday's service. I was asking God why it was I could love my friends so freely, but feel so restricted when it came to my family. Well, in the past few days, things just feel different, and in a splendid way! My little sister and I have been talking more, not even about anything heavy or emotional. Just talking, like friends. She plays along with my crazy charades, sings off-key with me in the car, dances around the living room with me, and yeah... There's no tension, stress, or awkwardness. I wish I could properly express how amazing that feels to me :) As for my dad, being at his house tonight was so surprisingly enjoyable and relaxing. Jenn and I were there for over 4 hours, and it wasn't remotely dreadful. It was cozy and calm, and it felt like home. It feels as though God removed the stress from my family situation so that the focus could return to loving them, and I am so thankful for that; you have no idea. God heard my cry for help, and He had His way in my life. How truly wonderful He is :) Only a Father as great and awesome as He could care for us in such a manner :) For Him, I am most thankful :) Goodnight sweet loves.

Balancing act?

I fear that I'm doing/have done something wrong....
It isn't necessarily that I've done anything bad,
but I may have dyslexia in terms of priorities.
I can't take emphasis off of one thing, though.
I don't want to;
it's not in my nature.
But perhaps that's the problem, isn't it?
My nature as a human being.
Oh dear, what am I to do?
I know who's the focus of my heart,
but I also know who needs to be.
Yet He's at the center of it all,
that I do know.
So what needs to be altered?
I know something does.
In fact, I'm know many things do.
But where do I start?
I never considered that I was doing harm
in acting in the way that comes natural to me,
but I suppose it makes sense.
I know who has my undivided attention;
I know who often gets put on the back-burner.
It's unfortunate, but I can't lie to myself.
Then I would be viewing myself as faultless,
and I am far from that.
Can't I serve both effectively?
Am I viewing this incorrectly?
I suppose some very intentional prayer is in order.
If I've learned anything over the past few days,
it's that You answer prayer swiftly and majestically.
I hope I can open my heart to listen effectively, God.
Lord knows, I need to.
I am most baffled.

"What are y'all doing in Walmart in your pajamas and boots?"

Today comprised of:

• Starbucks date with Kelly.
• Indian lunch date with Heather.
• Eclipse with Heather.
• Stony Point with Kelly.
• Pick up Heather for sleepover!

Which brings us to tonight:

• Onesies.
• Disposable camera.
• Fake mustaches.
• Elizabeth.
• Walmart.
• Lots of laughter.
• Hot tea/mocha.
• Good translator.

Did I mention I love my friends? Because I do :)

Oh, and this is just for laughs :D

Prayer

Oh what a day! Started it off with a Target/Starbucks trip with my mom, talked to the neighbors for a bit, ran an errand, had a lovely sushi date with Elizabeth {love her!!!!}, attended the Holy Spirit service at church, and spent the remainder of the night at the Greene residence laughing, eating chocolate, sipping hazelnut chai, and just talking about anything and everything. Twas a lovely evening indeed. Heather, you missed the funniest thing ever, and I will definitely be telling you about it tomorrow. But yes, I thoroughly enjoyed today, and the service tonight made me realize {or rather, reminded me of} some things. First, was that prayer is totally impacting; it can and does make a difference. You aren't just talking for the sake of talking, you are working to bring about a change in your or someone else's walk with the Lord. Another important thing I had to remind myself of is that God doesn't want me to spend my time with Him beating myself up and condemning myself for the things I need to do or haven't done. I found myself doing that after a while. I felt His presence and I asked Him to rid my mind and heart of all distractions, and He did. But as time went on I just started saying how I don't deserve His love and I'm doing so many things wrong and I just don't understand why I can't be everything I need to be. I was being consumed with my biggest fears in that moment, and I didn't realize it in that moment. God did, though, because He brought it into the light as I received prayer. I do fear loss, and I'm constantly afraid that I'm a disappointment. I fear rejection--from my friends, family, and Father. They don't give me reason to, but my biggest worry is that one day I will be rejected by those I love the most. I've been dealing with that a lot lately, that inner anxiety, and having that issue brought into the light and lifted up to God was relieving and overwhelming at the same time. My prayers should not be strictly a self pity-party; they shouldn't be selfish in nature. Yes, it is a time where burdens should be lifted to Him, our sins confessed, and guidance should be sought, but our Father doesn't want us to condemn ourselves. He wants us to lean on Him and ask for His divine help. He wants us to love Him, praise Him, and give thanks for our many blessings. After processing all of these thoughts and emotions, it forced me to stop and just sit. I didn't want to resume my prayers until I knew that my fears had no longer overcome me, and that I was solely focused on Him. That way, when I spoke with my Father, it would be my heart speaking, not my emotions. I thank my most awesome Father that he pulls me through patches of struggle, and that He showers me with grace despite my flaws. I am eternally grateful for the support He has placed in my life, and I thank Him for His perfect plans. He is so good, and He knows exactly how and when to extend His hand to me. He truly utilizes His vessels, and for that I am so grateful :) To that particular vessel who prayed for me tonight, I thank you that you were able to have the Spirit work in you and through you. It was truly a blessing. Goodnight, my sweet loves. Sleep well :)

"In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans."
{Romans 8:26}


"Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective."
{James 5:16}

I was blog-stalking Courtney

when I came across this quote she posted quite some time ago.

When life gives you a hundred reasons to cry, show life that you have a thousand reasons to smile.

I love it, and I do have so many reasons to be happy! Between my glorious God, my amazing friends, and a family that loves me, I am just blessed to have so many things worth smiling about :) I do love you all! Thank you for lighting up my world :)

I think I am legit, flat-out

crazy, at least to some degree. Honestly. I think I'm so dependent on others that when I'm by myself for too long I start to have a mini paranoia session in my brain. I start reading into things too much and drawing conclusions that don't match up with how things actually are, and I start doubting things that have no reason to be doubted. And then I take things too personally when no offense was even hinted at, and I just don't even know. My brain comes to these completely unjustified and unreasonable conclusions and it really is just insane. There's no other way to describe it. It's odd, and the weird thing is that sometimes I believe those messages from my brain, even if only for a fraction of a second. It's said really. I shouldn't be so easily persuaded by things that are so contradictory to everything I actually experience. I realize you all have absolutely no idea what I'm talking about right now, but it's probably better that way. At least that way I don't sound like a complete moron; I just end up looking like a ranting psycho. I suppose I can live with that.

MOVING ON!

Being snowed in wasn't as bad as I had anticipated it would be. I stayed in my pajamas all day, watched the game-show network and Jerry Springer/Steve Wilkos/Maury with my mom, helped Jennifer construct a puzzle-ball of Hello Kitty, and Jenn and I decorated our Christmas tree while watching How the Grinch Stole Christmas {cartoon edition!}. Here are sone random pictures I took throughout the day. The quality isn't great, but I just needed something to do when I got bored.

I really do love the ornaments on our tree. Most of them we've had ever since I was little, and quite a few were hand-made by us during our elementary school years. Some of my favorites, though, are the Hallmark Disney ones and this one that Matt made back in 1989. It's made to look like a wreathe and there's his school picture in the middle of it {back when he used to actually smile in his school pictures, haha}. Ever since he's been gone, we've placed that particular ornament somewhere very visible on the tree, not remotely hidden or obscured. I suppose it's just nice to see his picture there, since all we really have now are pictures. While I was browsing through facebook yesterday, I came across this picture:

It's from Christmas 2003, and I believe it's the last picture the four of us have together. I miss having him around. I feel like I say that a lot on here, and I'm sorry if it seems a tad redundant. Some times are just more sensitive than others, and I guess the holidays are one of those times. I just wish I could hug him; that would be nice... Oh, it turns out there's a picture from 2004 as well:

We aren't all exactly prepared for the picture {myself in particular}, but that's okay. All of us are together in it, and that's really all that matters to me. Its sentiment is more important than aesthetics.

And now that I've let that wide range of crazy-random emotions out, I think I'm going to read for a bit. It'll be first time reading for fun in quite some time. I wish I had The Host so I could read it. I should have asked my mom to get me a new copy for Christmas. My old copy accidentally got coffee spilled all over it, haha. That isn't a big deal or anything, I just want a new one :) I thoroughly enjoyed the story, so perhaps I'll mention it tomorrow. Goodnight, loves!

Oh, and Brittany showed me this the other night. It's quite entertaining, if you'd like to watch!