It's not that my to-do list is longer, or my assignment that much harder. I'm not sure if I could even identify the specific cause of my unrest. But I do know I'm feeling it. I am aware that something is off. I am stressing more easily, reverting to self-consciousness, and at the same time reprimanding myself for not doing more-- not reading more, praying more, focusing more, fellowshipping more, working more, exercising more, socializing more... That list could run for miles, if I were to let it.
Perhaps this feeling is the result of the approaching end of my academic sentence/journey. (School is so full of obligations that it doesn't always feel like I am choosing to be there.) Maybe my nerves associated with job-hunting are getting the better of me. Perhaps it's overwhelming to see a timeline full of friends who are trudging forward in their professional lives, and I am stuck in a limbo between college life and true young adulthood.
When people say college is the greatest time of your life, I don't think they are encompassing graduate school. I am certainly grateful for the education and experience I'm getting (don't get me wrong), but this phase of my life is just awkward. I have a professional degree, I graduated with adequate training and preparation for a career that would earn me a decent paycheck. But I chose to pursue a master's degree to create more job opportunity. So here I am, a professional in accordance with my earned degree, but still playing the role of student. It almost feels as though my potential is being funneled into tedious papers and presentations when it could be utilized to serve others. Just typing this out is making my mood plummet a little bit.
In short, I guess you could say I'm in a transition phase. I'm trying to figure out who I am as an adult, where I am heading as a professional, and what I truly want to become. And although my big-picture lens is clouded by my ominous to-do list, I am striving to retain perspective. I am stressed and unsettled, but this is only a phase. I am growing, developing, and changing with each day--bringing hope to my mind, heart... and nails.
