Tuesday, February 3, 2015

Unsettled.

I don't know when the last time was that my nails were this short. In the past several days, I have chewed them to the bits...

It's not that my to-do list is longer, or my assignment that much harder. I'm not sure if I could even identify the specific cause of my unrest. But I do know I'm feeling it. I am aware that something is off. I am stressing more easily, reverting to self-consciousness, and at the same time reprimanding myself for not doing more-- not reading more, praying more, focusing more, fellowshipping more, working more, exercising more, socializing more... That list could run for miles, if I were to let it.

Perhaps this feeling is the result of the approaching end of my academic sentence/journey. (School is so full of obligations that it doesn't always feel like I am choosing to be there.) Maybe my nerves associated with job-hunting are getting the better of me. Perhaps it's overwhelming to see a timeline full of friends who are trudging forward in their professional lives, and I am stuck in a limbo between college life and true young adulthood.

When people say college is the greatest time of your life, I don't think they are encompassing graduate school. I am certainly grateful for the education and experience I'm getting (don't get me wrong), but this phase of my life is just awkward. I have a professional degree, I graduated with adequate training and preparation for a career that would earn me a decent paycheck. But I chose to pursue a master's degree to create more job opportunity. So here I am, a professional in accordance with my earned degree, but still playing the role of student. It almost feels as though my potential is being funneled into tedious papers and presentations when it could be utilized to serve others. Just typing this out is making my mood plummet a little bit.

In short, I guess you could say I'm in a transition phase. I'm trying to figure out who I am as an adult, where I am heading as a professional, and what I truly want to become. And although my big-picture lens is clouded by my ominous to-do list, I am striving to retain perspective. I am stressed and unsettled, but this is only a phase. I am growing, developing, and changing with each day--bringing hope to my mind, heart... and nails.

1 comments:

Diwakar said...

Hello Stephanie. So good to know you through your profile on the bloggr and the blog post. I am glad to stop by your blog post and know your trust in the Lord and your amazement of how God has bestowed blessings up on you and yet a phase of unsettled and stressed in the life.but striving to keep perspective and yet growing, developing and changing with each dayn bringing hope to your mind and heart. I am from Mumbai, India the other part of the World, have been in the Pastoral ministry for last 35yrs in the great city of MUMBAI a city with great contrast where richest of rich and the poorest of poor live. We reach out to the poorest of poor with the love of Christ to bring healing to the broken hearted. we also encourage young and the adults from the West to come to Mumbai to work with us during their vacation time. We would love to have you come to Mumbai with your friends to work with us in the slums of Mumbai during your vacation time. I am sure you will have a life changing experience. My email id is:dhwankhede(at)gmail(dot)com and my name is Diwakar Wankhede. Looking forward to hear from you very soon. God;s richest blessings on you.

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