There are some things from your past

that you really do not wish to revisit. Now I realize that this may seem self-and-point, perhaps even completely obvious. But you know those things that hurt you once, I mean really hurt you, but you manage to suppress them over time to the point where it is no longer a part of your conscious? I have many of those. However, because of this blog, those memories will never be completely gone. This mass array of my thoughts and experiences has captured the good, the absolutely amazing, but also the pitfalls and the struggles. I just went looking for a photo that I knew I had put on one of my posts. I entered a key word and the search bar and did eventually find what I was looking for, but I also came across hurtful words that were said to me, actions that were less than heart-felt... Neither of which I would have been able to specifically recall if not for my cyber regurgitation. Wow... What else is there really to say? I know I've been hurt. Any one of us could say that we've been put down, guilted, slandered, disappointed... I think the wonder of all of it is that God allows us to move past it. I don't recurrently have to face the family issues, the tears, the mistakes, or the heartache. God gave/gives me strength to push through it, and then He plants me firmly so that I may grow beyond that point of trial. He does that for all of us.

God's like that, you know. He works for the good of everyone. It's never just me, or you, or Sally up the street. God isn't designed for people to be selfish. He looks at the big picture; His heart and arms are wide open for everyone. He cares for everyone. He considers everyone. He loves everyone! Why, then, is it so easy for me to be consumed with myself? My stress. My hurt. My issues. My pain. I can try to justify it be saying that most of this is intrinsic, evolving in thought more-so than action. I have tried this, truthfully, but I know the truth. Why is it so hard for me to look past my crap (sorry for the lack of a more intelligent word) and look to find God in my moments of weakness? He loves me! He knows how to embrace others! He can help me embrace my situations and guide me towards loving and acting as He does! So what's the deal with the wall? What's my stumbling block? Where does the hinderance reside?

You could say I'm wrestling with these questions. To be truthful I'm not where I want to be spiritually. I feel distant, and I feel like a sub-par daughter of Christ. I know I can do better. Be better. My Messiah whose birthday I am celebrating deserves more from me. Our relationship is starting to look awfully one-sided, and if I were Him I'm not sure if I would want to stick around. He is, though. He always does. I know this because I see the blessings raining down on me. I see the unexpected support and love. I see the glimmer of radiant light in those who I am beyond grateful to have in my life. I may be but a faint glow, but I have faith that, with my cooperation, God is going to restore me to a beacon. I anxiously await that. Lord, I love you and I miss knowing you as I should. Please forgive me for my selfishness and distractedness. I want to return to your arms.

Goodnight, my loves. And may you all have a blessed, peaceful, and joyous Christmas Eve.

A Deafened Cry

One of pain and suffering,
muffled by indifference and apathy.
The power hungry, the oppressors,
bearing a stronghold on the impoverished;
the hungry; the displaced.
To stand alone is to fall,
to perish beneath the feet of injustice.


A hand to hold; to feed; to nurture,
extended towards desperation,
yet restricted by shackles of foreign rule.
A task of many feats:

Source

to provide aid without endangerment.
Who poses as your ally?
Who stands as the opposition?
What can you compromise,
when the stake you hold is human life?

Service and restoration,
purpose behind your battlefront.
Yet not even optimism can blind you
from the confrontation that before you rages.

Source

You are not assured safety;
security is a false promise.
Yet you stand on this toiled ground,
staged to have your mission fulfilled.



Food for the hungry;
homes for the refugees and the displaced;
protection for the victims of rape;
liberation for the child soldiers;
justice for the oppressed;
peace and hope to a world in need.

Humanitarianism,
the term they coined.

Source

The intentioned is to save lives,
to relieve people of their suffering.
Take humanity to heart.
Be neutral and impartial in midset.
Embody independence.
Let the good overshadow the harm.

Seek not to exploit;
honor dignity and worth.
Cast the line to reel awareness,
to ignite passion and support.

Source

Feed the flame into expansion;
wildfire unceasingly gathering force.
A lone effort is insufficient,
but in tenfold change is generated.

Each soul has a gift to give,
an ability to sustain and improve life;
even life beyond oneself.

Though the terror is great,
and the crises seemingly endless,
there is never a depression
with no route to a peak.

So take in this world,
with all of its tragic images.
Hold next to it a flicker of hope,
a candle with which to illuminate promise.
Let this depiction direct your path,
guide your steps,
towards an ambition of freedom and well-being.

Let the extent of hope's light not be tethered

to the fulcrum of where you stand,
but let it eclipse every extent of this earth.
All encompassing; all inclusive.
Unveil the reality of humanity's stature.
Foster understanding.
Advocate for action.
Give a voice to the the deafened cry.

A 24-hour RVA dash!

Ello poppets!

As some of you readers know, I am currently home for a brief period of time. Why, you ask? Well, today was Steph's dad's birthday. Thus, while she was already coming home, she wanted to get her hair cut by my dear love, Shelly. And since she wanted me to be there with her, I came along for the ride! We left the Fishbowl at 11:30, and a little before 2 Steph and I arrived at her hair appointment :) Please note the before and after photos:

She cut 10 inches of hair off! Crazy, right?! She's donating it to Pantene Beautiful Lengths :) Proud mom moment, right here (even though I did love her long curly locks)! It's always a good time, donating hair! I'm excited for whenever I get to do that again :) Weeeeeeee!

From there, Steph brought me to my casa, talked to my mom for a bit, and then went on her merry way.  Madre made one of my favorites for dinner: meatloaf :) It's not just any meatloaf that I love; it's hers specifically. She made that, along with baked potatoes, green-beans, and spaghetti squash (which I did try even though I'm not a squash fan... it wasn't too bad). I think my mom gets excited whenever we come home. She likes to go all out :)

And since my dearest Heather was a poor sickling today, I went out after my dinner and got her some tofu pho from Mekong :) She loves the stuff, and I thought maybe it would be a little pick-me-up even though she felt icky. It also gave me the opportunity to see her, and that is ALWAYS a plus :) I do love that girl! I even got to see Elsbeth and Jolyn for a bit, which is always a time in-and-of itself ;)

Well, I am going to do some slumbering now :) I have church family to go surprise in the morning! Goodnight world!

Nashville and rest

Tonight, after the tease from many regarding the potential of having classes being canceled (and that not being the case), I decided that I needed to just chill. I was up until almost 3am last night doing homework that was due today (and thank the Lord I did!), and after 4 classes between 9:30am and 6:00pm, I decided to cancel all of my evening plans. My plan: to relax on my comfy sofa, have some tea, and watch Nashville. The only wrench in this plan was going to retrieve my Macbook, and finding that they failed to put all of my stuff back onto the computer..... But after that period of stress, I was rest time. I even got a visit from Kelly; we drank tea and chit-chatted in my living room.

The point is, I am more stressed out than I care to be, and I need to learn when to give myself some time to just be. Time where I'm not running around, panicking about my to-do list, stressing over classes, or planning/attending a meeting. No, I need unstructured periods of relaxation with no agenda whatsoever. It's a nice treat; try it soon if you haven't recently. I still have a lot that needs to be done, but I feel less anxious in this moment; it's nice.

Gear shift..... Nashville. It's a new show on ABC, and I love it! The acting keeps me intensely intrigued, the plot is complex enough to pique my interest, and the music is pretty awesome too. Here are a few of my faves to date:

Remember Lennon and Maisy? This is them! They are casted as the children of Rayna on the show, and in the last episode they performed this song (originally sung by Hayden Panettiere's character, as heard above) in their talent show :) They are AWESOME!

Yep :) I'm a fan. And I'm so happy that I can now enjoy all of this from the comfort of my own Macbook. It's so nice to have it back! In other news, my hand looks much better! It's barely red or even sore now. I only had to wrap it like this today:

Better than the mummy hand I had yesterday....

Haha.... Well, goodnight loves!

Homecoming and a burn.

Well, this weekend was JMU's homecoming! I enjoyed getting two free shirts (10th anniversary purple-out and homecoming t-shirts), the pep rally on the quad Friday evening, our SAO alumni "tailgate" Saturday afternoon, the football game versus Georgia State Saturday afternoon/evening, a B-dubs dinner with SAO loves (taken to-go and enjoyed at the Fishbowl), and a Halloween party at Sarah and Nancy's Saturday night :) I'll skip over details at this moment, because I hope to post later with pictures included courtesy of Hannah :) However, this is a picture of seester and I at the game:

As for today, I spent it sleeping-in, doing very little homework, shopping for non-perishable foods (in case Sandy blows through), preparing for our SAO business meeting, going to said meeting, taking a stroll through Walmart, celebrating the cancellation of tomorrow's classes with Campus Cookies, and watching Spice World with my fishies :) Now, let's talk about the second part of this post title--- the "burn" thing. So, while making myself some pasta for dinner, I went to pour my noodles into my housemate's strainer. I had never used it before, and it was one of those collapsible ones. I thought it would just pop open when the noodle hit it, but that is not the case... Thus, boiling hot water poured right across the surface and onto my hand. It was quite a bit of water, and yes it was rather hot. It didn't hurt at first, but it certainly did three hours later after our meeting; hence the trip to Walmart for burn ointment/gauze wrap. So my hand stayed looking like this:

And now it looks like this (thanks to the wonderful care of Lauren):

 I'm a hot mess. Haha. And even though I know classes are canceled, I'm still not sure about work. I really hope it is, because I feel like my hand is going to give me problems once it gets stuck in a cutting glove and thrown into a toaster oven multiple times.....

 Anywhoo, goodnight loves!

Guess where I'm going?

January 1st-4th, 2013.... Yes, I'm going to Passion!!!! I am so thankful :) I am going to see Jesus at work in a way that I never have before, and I'm going to get to experience that with some of my dearest friends. Yes, I'm going to Passion with Eighteen22! I am beyond excited :) This is almost too surreal. EEEEEEEEEEEEEP!

A Prayer Request

I've been struggling with something as of recent, and these verses basically sum it up....

^“21 Not everyone who says to me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only he who does the will of my Father who is in heaven. ²² Many will say to me on that day, ‘Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name, and in your name drive out demons and perform many miracles?’²³ Then I will tell them plainly, ‘I never knew you. Away from me, you evildoers!’"
{Matthew 7:21-23}

If you could pray for me, I would greatly appreciate it. Sometimes I get overwhelmed and upset when I dwell on this, and it gets hard. The one person I've talked to about it was so comforting and encouraging in her prayer, but I know that what I ultimately need is the peace and guidance of God. I need to listen, hear, and obey; I need transformation.

I love you all! And if there's anything I can do to be praying for you, please just let me know!

The Election

Okay, we all know that we're in the middle of a presidential campaign. I myself am registered to vote, and I know which box I'm checking come November 6th. And I've known for a while my stance, who I'd be inclined to vote for, and what issues are important to me. What I did not realize, however, is how nasty people get during election season. I'm not talking about the candidates, either; I mean my friends that I love and generally respect. The rude slanders and unnecessary comments being made all over my Facebook and Twitter feeds are despicable. The hostility of these debates I can bare, but not seeing my friends being so disrespectful; especially since they're my brothers and sisters in Christ.

Even before the debates, I constantly confronted this issue of being belittled for my political standpoint. My friends, and even family members, ridiculed my opinions, and they spoke to me as if I were senseless and naive. I am neither, and I was appalled. Someone literally even told me that, "When you're older, if you have any sense, you'll change your mind." Well, if I didn't have any interest in swinging the other way before, then I certainly don't now--- not after comments like that or the snide commentaries on my social media feeds... Needless to say I long await the race to be over.

As for the Fishbowl, we're a split house. Some of us are voting one way, the rest the other. Thus, I made it a point to make sure that we have equal representation on our house. If there's one poster, there darn sure better be another! It's fair that way, I think :)

Obama/Biden poster in the top window; Romeny/Ryan in the bottom.

P.S.- I purposefully omitting my platform. I don't need to stir-up avoidable drama, you know? I respect everyone's opinions, whether they're in line with mine or not. Utilize your voice; you do you. If you're acting for what you believe is right/best, then to that I say, "You go Glen Co-co!" Haha :)

Lennon and Maisy

Jennifer introduced me to these two amazingly talented girls! They are sisters (8 and 12 years old) that have their own YouTube channel singing covers of various songs. These two are my favorites that they've done to date. Give them a listen; you won't regret it :)

Life Updates

Hello blog world!

It's been 2 days shy of a month since my last post, and dang.... That really is a long time. The sad thing is, I've been so busy and stressed out that I haven't given it a whole lot of thought. Junior year is rough, y'all. Not the "sophomore slump" kind of rough, but legitimately hard. My work load is crazy, and my extra-curriculars on top of it just magnifies the overwhelming nature of it all. But anyways, I'm going to give y'all some insight into what's been going on in my life for the past month. The big things, some small joys, and maybe some stuff in between :)

On Monday, October 1st, I went to Washington D.C. with my social policy class.

I had to sit down and talk with (and kind of interview) the Congressional staff for Mark Warner and Eric Cantor. Since I my focus for my federal bill assignment was on the Trafficking Victims Protection Reauthorization Act of 2011, I asked the staff persons questions pertaining to their Congressmen's position on the bill. It was actually really cool to be able to walk into those offices and be taken seriously. No one talked down to me because I was a college student. I guess that means I really am looked at as an adult? What kind of craziness is this?!

On Friday, October 12th, the Chinese Student Association was selling boba on the commons! They had Thai Tea boba y'all..... Kelly and I each bought two cups. Haha! Whilst drinking our lovely beverages, we ran into our dear friend Lydia! That was a good time :) I always love running into friends!

On Friday, October 19th, my housemates and I went to Halloween Haunt at Kings Dominion! For those who don't know, I am down for any sort of haunted house/frightening endeavor. I find it super amusing and quite entertaining :) However, I am not a roller coaster buff; I'm actually quite the wimp when it comes to them. Thus, I hadn't really intended on riding any of the coasters, just soaking up the spooky atmosphere. Well, after some convincing, the fishies (aka my housemates) got my on the Volcano.

Yes, Steph held my hand almost the entire way through the initial launch. And yes, I screamed the whole way through. But I did actually enjoy it :) So much so that I willingly rode it again! The learned lesson? I can handle coasters that don't have big hills. Boom!

On Saturday, October 20th, my dear sister Lauren had her bridal shower! It was a Sound of Music themed tea party, and it was absolutely delightful! Lauren is so happy, and I know that she is going to be a beautiful bride and a wonderful wife to Josh :)

Now, I need to address my last post.... My computer was indeed NOT fixed. I actually had to take it BACK to the Apple store just a week after getting it back, and then it experience ANOTHER kernel panic after being "repaired" a second time. Thus, I took it to the help desk here at school. They've had my Mac for over 2 weeks now. Thus, I a m typing this post on a loaner Dell computer that is probably more ancient than the one I had in high school..... Hopefully, my dear laptop will be back in my possession next week! I sure hope so.....

I might post a random post or two following this one just for funsies :) I'm not sure.... LOVE YOU ALL!

Kernel panic.

Heyyo!

So, once upon a time in my Social Policy class, my computer started looking like this:

This... is what Apple Geniuses call "Kernel Panic."

Actually, it looked like this PLUS little pink lines all across the screen... SCARY!

I went to the Blue Ridge Apple store, and they told me I'd have to go 1.5-2 weeks without my laptop. NO WAY! I have so much due next week! Solution: take it to Apple headquarters. Where? Short Pump. BAM! Can you say, spontaneous road trip?! Yessir. I hopped on the interstate and made my way on home, where my new BFF Michael fixed my computer and had it ready for me to take home in less than 2 hours time :) It now is restored to this:

I didn't lose a single file!

Thank you, Mike! And while he worked his magic, my mom treated me to some California Pizza Kitchen for dinner :) So yummy! I even got to see my dad for a bit tonight :) Just to see him and hug him was a wonderful thing; he gives some of the best hugs :)

In other news, I had my first Grand-big/Grand-little date today!!! It was so great; I love Katie! She is so sweet, and we just mesh super well, I think :) A plus: She too had a wonderful appreciation for old Disney shows (i.e. Lizzie McGuire, That's So Raven, Even Stevens). Oh, and Spongebob too :) Bahh! I am so happy to have her in my fam. I got so wrapped up in our conversation that I was almost late for class! But never fret, I was right on time :)

Well loves, I am feeling called to slumber in my queen-sized bed :) Goodnight!

We have Epsilons!!!

Sunday evening, the 23rd, we had our Bid Night! And I am SO proud/happy to say that we have 15 beautiful new candidates to make up our Epsilon class! EEEEEEP!

The Epsis with their Candidate Mentor, Beth!

Me and my Epsi Little, Raven!

Me with my Little (Hannah) and Grand-Little, Katie! 

The Young Family tree is growing, y'all!

Kelly and Tori are both candidates! Bahh! So much love :)

For those who may not know, Kelly is one of my closest friends, and a part of my church family from back home. And I've known Tori since I was in 8th grade and she was in 6th. We did dance team together at Moody, and I was her "Pippy" :)

I cannot wait to grow closer to these girls, learn about their lives, and establish life-long bonds :) Lord knows they'll be seeing plenty of me, since I plan on essentially stalking their candidate classes... Teehee! I mean hey, if I'm going to pursue the position of Candidate Mentor next year, I need to study-up!

Anywho, I am so very excited to see the growth that is happening in our chapter! We currently have approximately 17 active sisters, meaning that we've just essentially doubled in size! HOW CRAZY IS THAT?! And while I'm nervous about adequately balancing my time between my Delta Little, Epsilon Little, and my new Grand-Little, I know that God's hand is in every relationship. His Spirit will unite us  as sisters in Christ, and daughters of the Holy King :) Thanks, Jesus! Amen.

In closing: Gammas, we have grown and changed so much in two years!

I love you girls! I am so blessed to be able to share my life and walk with Christ with you all. You have definitely been an anchor and a stronghold for me, and I could never adequately express my gratitude to each and every one of you. Though our numbers and dynamic have changed, the support, encouragement, and love has remained constant; thank you for that! Y'all are truly a gift :)

Goodnight all!

The Fishbowl.

So, I realized that in my hiatus I never showed what my new home looks like! And while I have not/will not capture every single room in photograph form, I would like to display my primary living quarters :)

First, the living room!

My cork-board is actually being used!

This is where a majority of our homework, goofing off, socializing, and heart-to-hearts take place. It's a cozy little space :)

Then, my bedroom!

 Heather, your artwork is hanging proudly!

 Juliana put forth some artistic input in this project!

 I spy, Paolo!

 This curtain serves as my closet door :)

 The wall above my bed :) Another "thank you" to Jules for helping me select and organize photos!

Jenn's artwork! (The lighting mildly distorts the color quality of these.)

I've been told it has a very serene feeling about it :) I think I'm prone to agree! I'm pretty sure the color scheme is what does it :)

Facing trials.

Something we talked about quite a bit in small group tonight was how to address trials in our life     whether that be stress, obstacles, a to-do list or what-have-you. In looking at {Colossians 1:9-12}, we discussed how we need to confront such trials, and life in general, with patience, endurance, and joy as can only be provided by the Lord. Having also referred to {James 1:2-3}, it had me thinking... This applies to the past, present and future.

Looking at our past and seeing the reaped benefits of previous struggles is a fairly simple task. Even through the anticipation of trials to come, it is easy to assure yourself that in the end it will all have been worth it. Why is it, then, than facing present struggles with joy, endurance, and patience is so hard? Why is it difficult to maintain a mindset that is trusting in the Lord when the world hurls stressors at you? There are benefits and blessings to be reaped here and now. Our God is not one of the strictly past or future. Our God is alive today     every second of every minute. Not a day goes by that we are left to handle the world alone. And not a second passes that He isn't working to shape and mold your heart into one that reflects His. Therefore we must push through the neglect and ignorance and open ourselves up as a temple of His Spirit     allowing ourselves to be transformed into physical embodiments of His love, grace, and strength.

Stephanie Marie and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Month...

Yes, I will admit that there's a bit of melodrama there. But, as many of you have noticed, I haven't posted in approximately a month's time. Sleep has prevailed over writing. Stress has trumped relaxation. And a giant to-do list has masked true priorities. A few people have asked me where I've been (in regards to the blogging world). Some have mentioned missing shared wisdom, others the ongoings of my day-to-day life, and others just my posting in general. For you all, I shall be completely honest....

I haven't felt very wise, and I have not felt that peace of mind that's needed to really reflect on the significance of life happenings. The constant upkeep with my September schedule and transitioning back into school has left me deprived of quiet time, and there's a serious barrier being built up in my heart with the relationship that matters most. Stress has consumed me to the point where I have broken down, basked in bitterness, and been rude to people I love. Despite the countless offers of assistance, I bore more burden than I should have      not willing to share the load for fear of dissatisfaction. And now that the insanity is coming to its conclusion, I'm left feeling slightly hollow. Everything that I let overrun my life for the past month has come and gone. Now what? Well, I have quite the shambles to pick up, and I know it. Because despite the excitement that has also come along with September, I was too caught up in anxiety to enjoy it. However, I will take a moment to highlight a few things, just so you all can be assured that I'm not on hermit-status.

• My housemates are wonderful, and the transition into the Fishbowl has been a synch.

(First night completely reunited: middle school rap dance-sesh!)

• My sisters and I had a wonderful time on our retreat; we are all a bunch of 5 year-olds.

(There were no handles on those see-saws!)

• Recruitment is now finished! (Praise!) We have 15 potential candidates (or biddies, haha!). The Epsilon bid ceremony is next Sunday :) I could potentially be getting another Little. But I am appropriately not a first priority for that, and it's completely in God's hands!

(Facebook advertising.)

(Student Org Night trifold.)

• Ovarian Cancer Awareness Month has kept my sorority busy as well, but we still make room for fun :)

(Video made for Cancer Dancer!)

• My sisters and I have this newly-established fascination with turning each other into landsharks ;)
• Profanity warning!
• I got to skype with Sarah and Margaret (distant SAO sisters at UGA) last night! That made me so happy :) Truly, distance cannot defy friendship.

I do hope to get back on track with my posting habits. Just please bear with me as I get through this month. After all, I'm really only half way there.

I love you all! And if you're one of my RVA loves, I miss you more than I can express! Goodnight.

Girl Crushes

Don't know what a girl crush is? See Jenna Marbles. Here are my current top 3 in ascending order :)

*Note: These are NOT necessarily in correlation with the Jenna Marbles "tiers."

3) McKayla Maroney

2) Taylor Swift

3) Christina Aguilera! (She will always be first.)

Just thought I'd share :) Not ashamed.

"How much does a walrus cost?"

Today, was lovely :) I started my morning off by leading middle school Sunday school. I definitely could not have done it without my friends/fellow youth leaders, but all in all I think it went pretty well! Service was really great, and hanging out at Stony Point afterwards was a nice time as well.

This afternoon, I had plans with two girls I've known for almost 10 years. I haven't seen them in about a year, and my how they have grown and changed! With one of them being 13, and the other 10; it is just so crazy! I loved being able to just talk to them and find out what's going on in their life :) We got some Starbucks, grabbed dinner at Arby's, and then came back to my house to watch a movie. Emily selected 50 First Dates :) Twas quite funny, but what Emily and I really took away from it is that we want to adopt a walrus (just like the one in the movie).

He was so cute! And she was being dead serious, she wants to adopt one and keep it at Sea World. Haha. I told her I'd go in on it 50/50 ;)

My relationship with these girls is so important to me, because I want them to know that the good decision they're making are worthwhile, and that you can live happily without succumbing to peer pressure. Grace in particular is at that age where that is so important, and she is doing splendidly! I am so proud of her, and I admire her level head despite the craziness that she is surrounded by even amongst her friends. And she's been a good older sister to Emily, which also brings me joy. That little girl is one of the sweetest things ever, and it comforts me to know that she can respect and look up to her older sister :) I love them, very much! I will never be too old to hang-out and act silly with them :)

In closing, this reunion performance at the Olympics Closing Ceremony had me geeking out:

Spice Girls, that you for being present in my childhood, and for gracing us all with an encore performance to momentarily relive that 90s glory we miss so much. It was both enjoyed and appreciated!

Goodnight all!