Confessions.

I am much better at expressing joy than I am at actually experiencing it.


My stress leads to leakage, and the slightest slip can trigger irrational emotional response.


I often feel lonely, despite the fact that only only a fraction of my time is spent alone.


Writing a resumé is extremely overwhelming for me; it makes me feel inadequate.


Procrastination is my work method of choice, although it never fails to exhaust me.


When loved ones say things to me that are hurtful or offensive, I tend to keep it to myself.


Sometimes I wish I wasn't as visibly emotional as I am.


Internally, I struggle with patience.


I am quite emotionally dependent on my loved ones.


I despise my selfish thoughts.


My happiness often stems from the happiness of others.


Sometimes I fear that I won't get to live in Heaven.


I think I have a bit of an inferiority complex.

I could go on for a while, but I am a sleepy bear. Time to continue my reading in Mark and then go to bed. Goodnight, loves!

Blessed by the best, with the best.

This is a phrase that my dear friend Kathryn often uses, and by it I am constantly reminded of just how much God has blessed me with. Through and through, He has benefitted me beyond measure.

I am so grateful for my community here at school, one that is centered on Christ and emits an incredible love that is reflective of His. Even something as ordinary as spending time together in TDU or watching a television show together brings me some of the greatest joy I have known here at school. God provided me with this community; that is clearly evident. Without their care and encouragement, I would undoubtedly we in shambles.

And as for my loves back at home, they are some of the greatest gifts I have ever received in my nineteen years of life. You all instill me with so much faith. I cannot begin to explain to you how much these friendships have helped me draw closer to the Lord and transform my life. They helped to build me up from ground zero, and they remain by my side even now :) This weekend served as yet another reminder of how much love I have surrounding me in my relationships at home, and my heart was touched beyond words. These relationships are far too amazing to be anything other than a blessing from God. I am blown away, humbled, and forever grateful.

(P.S.- I know I say things like that a lot on here, but these relationships are so key and prominent in my life. Not sharing the ways in which they impact me would be depriving myself, and you, all of the reality of my life experiences. Many of them are rooted in these friendships, and they really do change my life.)

Additional note: This is my 800th blog post! Crazy right?! And in leu of this milestone, I have included below a list of all of my "hundredths" mile-markers :) It's pretty interesting to see how time has progressed! Follow the links if you so choose; though there is certainly no pressure to do so:)

100: Sunday, July 4, 2010
200: Thursday, September 23, 2010
300: Sunday, December 5, 2010
400: Thursday, February 10, 2011
500: Tuesday, April 26, 2011
600: Wednesday, August 3, 2011
700: Wednesday, November 16, 2011

Goodnight loves!

Right thoughts do not produce right action.

Right relationships produce right action.

This weekend, I had the extreme pleasure of going on Joint Retreat, and it truly was wonderful. Not only did I have the opportunity to see and spend time with some of my dearest friends, but I also experienced a connection with God that left me truly at peace. Though I am still challenging myself to actively speak out about my faith and really share it with those I love, I feel more confident in my ability to do so. I know what I believe, and I know what my hope and faith are rooted in. Through my relationships with others I will share my hope in Jesus Christ     knowing that it is the ultimate Truth and holds infinite power to transform lives. I left knowing that I, as a vessel, need to open myself up to be used as such by God, and not "punk out" out of fear of rejection or ridicule. God will work as promised; He will come through. His hand is mighty, in a capacity that far exceeds my own. My faith can, and should, find rest in that.

"I will lead the blind by ways they have not known, 
   along unfamiliar paths I will guide them; 
I will turn the darkness into light before them 
   and make the rough places smooth. 
These are the things I will do; 
   I will not forsake them."
{Isaiah 42:16}


"But in your hearts set apart Christ as Lord. Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect."
{1 Peter 3:15}


"¹⁸ Then Jesus came to them and said, 'All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. ¹⁹ Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, ²⁰ and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.'"
{Matthew 28:18-19}elf u

This song was our jam this weekend :)

Perfect Day.

This song has been on repeat essentially all day, and, aside from the general feel-good emotion it stirs in me, it made me think. No, today was not the epitome of days. There were no epic happenings or moments of extreme jubilance. In 2 years I may not remember a thing about today. No, today was not "perfect" in that sort of perspective. However, doesn't God make every day perfect? He created everything in his perfect image {Genesis 1:27}. His timing is perfect {Ecclesiastes 3:1}. He has a set a course for each of His children so that they may fulfill His perfect plans {Jeremiah 29:11}. Therefore, is each day not truly perfect in His sight? My point is this, today was a perfect work of God; everyday is whether we recognize it or not. And that same feel-good emotion I got from this up-beat song should be instilled in my heart from the mere thought of the work my Father is performing daily, both in my life and the lives of my brothers and sisters. So praise God for every perfect day, even those that the world may not deem as being "significant" :)

"This is the day the LORD has made; 
   let us rejoice and be glad in it."
{Psalm 118:24}

Some little joys from today:

• My social work class was canceled this morning! Thus, I got an extra hour of sleep!
• I got to catch up with Arijana over lunch. That girl is so funny and sweet :)
• My little sister has maintained a 4.4 GPA and is ranked 31 in her class! I am SO proud of her :)
• I decided to start executing my plan to drink more water by purchasing a Camelbak with my dining dollars. I've heard that owning one and carrying it with you makes you more prone to drink water, and, if I'm being honest, my hydration level sucks. I drank one whole bottle (0.75 liters) already tonight! Maybe this will work!

• I had a decent time at work tonight once everyone got there! It really is about the people, I'm coming to realize. That, and I got to see quite a few friends! That always makes me happy :)
• I watched Legally Blonde (well, most of it) via YouTube tonight! That movie puts me in a great mood :) I'm definitely bringing the VHS back to school with me!

As of tomorrow, I will be on Joint Retreat for the weekend with 1822! This means no blog posts until either Sunday night or Monday. I hope you all have a marvelous weekend! Goodnight, and goodbye for now :)

SIMBAAAA!

Dear friends, meet Simba:

This adorable little feline has become a regular visitor to the Fishbowl    whether it be for food, shelter from the elements, or some TLC (tender love and care, for those who may not have known what that stood for). Although he apparently has another owner, Simba has essentially been adopted by my lovely sisters, and it always makes me smile to see how happy he makes them (and how happy they are to see him happy). Sorry, that was a lot of "happy"s.....

I was challenged to write about something inspiring relating to this little guy, and after a bit of pondering I think I have selected a stream of thought to go with. Surprisingly enough, I discovered a parallel between Simba and myself. Even though he technically has another owner, Simba constantly comes over to the Fishbowl in search of things that he is lacking    to meet his needs, if you will. He finds fulfillment outside of the home that he grew up in. I find that this isn't much different from myself. Yes, I have a home and a family. Yes, they provide me with what I need to an extent, However, I have found fulfillment (in the earthly sense) elsewhere, and that is with my church family at home and my sorority/small group here at school. They are the ones who lift my up spiritually, care for me emotionally, and give me constant and unconditional support. Broadening this scope even further, this concept can be applied to the church at large. This earth, as of now, is our "home;" it is the place we inhabit and live. However, our mind, body, heart, and spirit belong to God, and Him alone, and our true home is with Him.

"But our citizenship is in heaven. And we eagerly await a Savior from there, the Lord Jesus Christ[.]"
{Philippians 3:20}

What is deemed our physical "home" does not restrict where our true heart and selves reside. Where there is love, home can be found :) Simba has discovered that! And hope that we all can, too :)

In closing, I love these girls with all of my heart:

They bring so much joy to my heart, and the love they have for one another touches me very deeply. They are some of the greatest sisters I could have ever asked for, and I cannot wait to be living with them next year :) Goodnight loves!

P.S.- You should follow Simba on Twitter (@simbalovin4life)! No really, he tweets..... :)

I felt like today was every day but Tuesday,

which is weird considering all of the statuses/decorations talking about Mardi Gras. Mehh, whatevs.

Nothing crazy or stellar happened today. It was the typical go to class, hit up TDU, spend quality time with my sisters, go to psyc, grab dinner, then come back to the room to watch Dance Moms. All in all though, today was a good day!

I love this girl right here. Courtney is one of my beloved SAO sisters, and she never fails to bring a smile to my face :) Not only that, but I love having heart-to-hearts with her and just talking about our lives in general. She has such a caring and compassionate heart, and she always checks up on the well-being of others. I know that I can always trust and confide in her, and that in-and-of itself is such a comfort. Not to mention that she is also extremely adorable :) We had a Starbucks date today, and it was wonderful! In addition to talking about various aspects of life, I got to see her prepare for her Elle Woods presentation for theater     SO GREAT! I just love her.... a lot :)

I don't have any deep developed thoughts prepared for this post (though I am currently pondering some things in my head that I may want to post about soon). So, in closing, I am going to provide you with evidence of the fact that 1) I don't know how to efficiently use my spare time, and 2) I am hooked on Dance Moms (as if you all didn't already know that).

Haha! Well.... I amused myself at least :) Goodnight loves!

Sissy came to see me!

Today was so wonderful :) After I had my dance classes and ate some lunch, Jennifer arrived in Harrisonburg! Yes, I got to spend the rest of my day showing Jennifer around campus, catch up with her, and introduce her to quite a few of my friends :) Y'all, I just cannot adequately express how happy it made me to have her here today! Aside from being the first family member to actually visit me at school, I just really love my little sister. I know her first choice is Tech, but if she decides to come here I will be oh so very happy! Bahhh; I love my seester :)

And since that was basically a rant, here's a more clear description of Jennifer and I's JMU rendez-vous:

• Took a stroll through TDU.
• Jenn got to meet Emma :)
• Visited my dorm.
• I re-introduced her to Brianna :)
• Got Lauren to swipe us into her suite in the Village.
• Jenn got to meet both her and Sara :)
• Toured Carrier.
• Jenn: "Carrier! Isn't that like your favorite building?"
• Sad. Day. Hahaha!
• Grabbed some Stizz and walked on the Quad.
• She could not believe the squeaky circle :)
• Perused Forbes.
• Got Nicole to swipe us into Hoffman.
• Visited and piggy-backed into Eagle.
• We visited my old room! That girl was so kind and welcoming!
• Alyssa was her name :) Her roommate was in class.
• Visited TDU again.
• Jenn got to meet Kaci and Hannah (Little).
• Dinner at Top Dog with Steph, Kirsten, and later Courtney :)
• She got to meet Emily on our way out!
• Pit-stopped by the Fishbowl before Jenn had to leave.
• She got to meet Taylor, Lauren, and Brandi :)

I am so grateful to all of my friends who were so welcoming towards my little sister. It truly means the world to me, and I know that it meant a lot to her too! Upon returning home I got a text that said this:

"home. thanks for the awesome day stephyy :)"

My heart is so happy :) And I am so glad that I can go to bed saying that. Goodnight, loves!

Snow-dusted Sunday

This morning, Lydia and Kelly accompanied me to RISE for church, where we also sat with Hannah (Little), Renee, Brandi, Courtney, Lauren, and Hannah :) It was a happy morning indeed. And, to make it even better, Lydia, Kelly, Courtney, Hannah, Brandi, Lauren, Kirsten, and I all got brunch together! Talk about heart happiness :) Then, as promised, I took Kelly and Lydia to the Outpost to look at teeshirts and whatnot. I am happy to report that Kelly purchased her own long-sleeve JMU shirt, and she is currently wearing it as she sleeps :) Too cute!

We spent the rest of the afternoon semi-vegging and anticipating snow (which didn't come until much later). We ended up chit-chatting, laying around, and watching YouTube videos for about an hour, haha. Then, at 6, we ventured over to Festival to grab some dinner, which we enjoyed with Kirsten :) I had to leave Kelly and Lydia for a few hours for my sorority's business meeting/prayer night, but they definitely managed alright!

Prayer night was a lovely experience, truly. I love my sisters, and I love any opportunity to spend time/pray/be vulnerable with them. The theme was centered on God being our Knight in shining armor, which challenged us to consider the love God has for us, the love we have for Him, and the care in which He is putting in to planning our future lives of love. Put in that sort of perspective, I really for a moment felt like I was special in God's sight. I don't mean comparatively to others     just special, you know? Sometimes I fret that I am better at loving others than I am at loving God, and I condemn myself for it. But in that prayerful time of reflection, I realized that I could not love these amazing people in my life without having received God's love first and having that as my model. Loving Him has taught me how to love others as He has called all of us to do. Do I falter? Of course. There are moments when I realize that I have disgraced my Father through my words/actions, and I bear shame in that. But even in that, God lifts me up and pours himself out to me. Knowing that I do not deserve that, I cannot help but to love Him all the more! On top of being the Creator of all things, the Truth, the Light of the world, Father of us all, and our Savior.... He is the one person (I use that word loosely) that loves us enough to never, under any circumstance, leave us. His love is constant, omnipresent, and pure. I have taken note of the ways in which my relationship with God has transformed my heart, and I cannot imagine not loving Him whole-heartedly. And some day, He will put a man in my life that not only loves Jesus, but treasures Him above all else (myself included). Not only that, but he will be a man that will see God's presence in my heart, and not be able to truly love or know me otherwise. Truly I say, God is my Knight in shining armor. No provision, love, or care surpasses His :)

Goodnight loves :)

P.S.- The snow storm almost completely neglected Harrisonburg. We got flurries for about two hours, and that was about it.

"I am sixteen going on seventeen...."

"... feeling sexy and freeEE!" Haha; great times with Kelly and Lydia :)

Sorry for the lack of post last night (for those who check-in daily). I didn't have my computer with me. So here's a quick fill-in: After practically sleeping my day away (after having cleaned my room and gotten lunch), I grabbed some dinner before Lydia arrived! We went to large group, where they showed the documentary "Sex + Money" that I saw at Liberty several months ago! Seeing it the second time just as impacting, if not more so, than the first time. There is so much that needs to be done to bring justice to sex trafficking victims in the United States, and I pray that our generation is instilled with a passion to take a stand on behalf of our brothers and sisters, and truly liberate them. After the screening, I was able to introduce myself to/talk with Stephanie Grant from the Shenandoah Justice Initiative, which was awesome! They're trying to establish a student organization on JMU campus, and I hope to be a part of it! T'would be great :) Then, after pit-stopping by my room to gather some things (and shower in my case), Lydia and I headed over to my small group sleepover! We ate "puppy chow," talked/laughed a lot, and watched Say "Yes" to the Dress. Lydia took very well to our group awkwardness/craziness, which I was relieved about. Haha!

Kelly joined the party this morning, and we had a quite a lovely day :) After lunch, we toured campus a bit before having tea time with Hannah and Steph at Earth & Tea :) I love that place. And I love the company I was in :) From there, Lydia, Kelly, and I did some walking around downtown before coming back to campus for dinner. We kept it pretty calm in regards to our night plans. We watched Burlesque, hung out in my room, and are now watching Pocahontas :)

I love these girls :) It's been a wonderful day. And on that note, I shall bid thee adieu! Goodnight loves!

Jealousy.

I'm going to have another blatantly honest moment with all of you. I am an extremely jealous individual. By this, I do not mean that I envy the things that other people own or even their living situations. (I have learned to see the value in my past and present life scenarios.) My jealousy is rooted in time. Specifically, I am extremely jealous of the time my friends spend with people who are not me. That is incredibly selfish, I realize, which is why I suppress these feelings when they crop up and replace them with more rational ones. That sort of thing takes a lot of work on my end, though, because those emotions are so prevalent when they are present. In no way do I expect my friends to have to hang out with me every second of every day, nor to I feel entitled to their constant attention. I think this situation stems from my severe dislike of being alone. When I find myself in a situation with nothing to do, I immediately seek out my friends. And if for some reason they're out doing something else with someone else, a seed of disappointment settles in, and eventually that jealousy ensues. Again, I know that this is not rational, and this certainly is not a quality of myself that I find attractive, but I've been wanting to splurge about it for a while. I am really trying to work on this aspect of myself! It's another one of those self-accountability things, I suppose :)


And for the run-down!

• SOWK exam.
• Feel good about it! Still no results, though.
• GSCI exam.
• Thought I did really well, and then got a 71...
• I think that's the lowest text/exam grade of my college career... I was just a little upset.
• TDU chillin!
• Saw some sisters!
• Caught up on Once Upon a Time :)
• Work.
• We were SLAMMED tonight, and I had to work for almost an hour completely by myself    running the sandwich and pasta bowl station , rush included.
• Insert stress here.
• I don't think I've ever been more thankful for my fellow workers, as much as I was around 5 PM tonight when more people came in for their shifts!
• Love Packs via RISE for National Service Week!
• We helped pack 15(?) backpacks with food (enough for 5ish meals) to send home with local children who may not have food to eat otherwise this weekend.
• We also made cards for each kid, too!
• Hung out at Steph's apartment for a bit :)
• Homework was done (well, on my end at least).
• Tea time for me. Candy time for both of us.
• Wonderful time to just lounge on the sofa and talk :)

I'm really looking forward to this weekend! Lydia and Kelly are coming to visit, and Jennifer is coming up on Monday! It's going to be a party at JMU! So stoked :)

Goodnight loves!

I put the "pro" in "procrastination."

At least, I'm hoping that I do. I have two tests in the morning that I didn't start studying for until 9 PM tonight. Ugh boots! But anyways, let's not dwell on that...

My dance classes went really well today! I learned how to retrograde a shoulder roll (something I've never tried before), and my improv class just made us all totally zen. I got to see Daisy, on of my professors from Spring 2011 semester, today! She is so sweet :) She was so excited to see me, and I was also very happy to see her! We caught up on how our semesters were going, and just got to chat for a little while. I am very grateful that she is willing to fill out a recommendation for me (to get into the Social Work major). Her kindness simply abounds! After grabbing some lunch and taking a short nap in TDU, it was off to work. Friends, I do not like my job. At all. Yes, I am thankful for the income, but that is the only reason I stay. I do not handle monotony or disorganization well, and I encounter a fair amount of both at Market One. Needless to say, I was very happy when I got off. In light of my tests, I was considering skipping small group tonight, but I am so glad that I went! We talked about how to truly love others :)

"¹² My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. ¹³ Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends."
{John 15:12-13}

(This may be my new favorite scripture passage!)

At the end, we wrote each other little "valentines" to each other that expressed words of encouragement and love for one another :) Those little notes warmed my heart, and in turn gave me such a peace. It's truly amazing how comforting kind words can be!

Lauren and I had a study date for a while to prep for our GSCI 101 class, and I'd say it was productive! Coming back to my room to study for SOWK... I don't really know. The problem is that everything seems like common sense! Well, I guess we'll just see how things go in the morning! As for now, I'm going to read my Bible and get some sleep. Goodnight all!

Holding myself accountable.

This past weekend at the youth girls' retreat, one of the things we talked about was gossip. We talked about how are words are a powerful thing, and we have to consciously consider whether our words will be used to build someone up or end up tearing them down.

"The tongue has the power of life and death, 
   and those who love it will eat its fruit."
{Proverbs 18:21}

In the small group that I led, we talked quite a bit about the reasons why we gossip. What we concluded was that it 1) gives you something to talk about, 2) makes you feel special/important for knowing something that other don't, 3) makes you feel better about yourself by putting others down, and 4) is used as a way of getting attention. I gave these girls as much guidance and advice as I could (both from scripture and personal experience) to help keep them from gossiping about their peers. Well, here is what I've come to notice: I gossip too. Quite a bit, actually. My intentions are never to be slanderous, hateful, or anything of that sort, but sometimes I say things that I know don't need to be discussed with others people and that I know are not pleasing to God. And since that retreat I've been telling myself, "Stephanie, how do you expect these girls to stop gossiping if you yourself aren't even trying?" Oh dang, the truth bomb just got dropped! I haven't even been thinking about monitoring that. I may not being doing the "he said/she said" thing, but I've thrown out unnecessary comments and stories that do not involve/concern me. I need to make a change in that sense, and I am holding myself accountable! I've called myself out on it at least three times, out loud, in the past two days. Some of my sisters have laughed at me for the way I call myself out, but I really do want to stop as much as I am able. I mean hey, with God, all things are possible :)

As for my day, it started with a 9 AM assessment, which was long and boring, but what can you do... I was able to enjoy lunch with Emma and Kaci before taking a quick nap and walking to the Arboretum. This week is National Service Week for SAO, and today we helped clear out fallen tree branches so that they can go through the chipper. We had some fun, too :) I found a perfect drum-stick and proceeded to make music on the tree trunks, we used a fallen tree as a balance beam, we sang a bit, and Hannah and Beth took some pictures! From there, I hung out at the Fishbowl with Hannah, Brittany, Brandi, and Courtney until psyc. I GOT A 99 ON MY TEST! Such a huge praise! I had been extremely nervous. After dinner, I spent the remainder of my evening (night?) with Steph :) After a pitstop by Walmart, we went back to her apartment to watch Dance Moms; I am officially all caught up! The moms have a lot of drama, but their daughters are just so talented! It's crazy and addicting to watch, truly. Oh, and this girl is absolutely precious!

(The image moves if you click on it.)

Her name is Mackenzie, and she's a lovely little dancer at only 7 years old!



Moving on... We also ended up watching an insane episode of America's Supernanny, but I am happy to report that the family ended up functioning SO well! Yay! And on that note, I will stop. Haha. Goodnight, loves!

Once upon a time,

there was a girl names Stephanie that wanted to go to sleep before midnight. However, the fire alarm went off within 30 seconds of her being in the shower, and she was forced to jump out, throw on clothes, and evacuate the building. After standing outside in the cold (with wet hair) for over 10 minutes, Stephanie was forced to go inside of the neighboring dorm to wait until she could re-enter her own. She and her roommate sat in Shenandoah for almost an hour. While there, they overheard that the cause of fire was a boy who was under the influence of shrooms and somehow set fire to the lounge on their floor... Rough. She was not able to re-enter her dorm/shower until after 12:30, add it was a sad time. (And by sad I mean frustrating.)

(Okay, I'm done talking in third person now. And I'm going to move on to other things.)

We didn't really dance much in my modern class, but my improv class was awesome! We had to create site-specific clusters again, but this time we just got to play :) I think I mentioned this before, but I love being partnered with guys. They aren't intimidated or self-conscious about moving, sharing weight, or making physical contact with you. There is less of a barrier to cut through, and it just makes things easier. My first partner and I ended up moving in a way that was very much so playful (and slightly flirtatious), but not in a way that was awkward or anything of the sort. That was just how our dancing evolved, and it was an incredible experience! Bahhh! I love improv :)

I spent the rest of the day with my lovely SAO sisters :) I vegged in TDU for quite some time with Jenn, Hannah, Beth, Nancy, Kirsten, and Brittany. Then, at 3, we had our PR meeting there. It took a little while, but we ended up being productive! As for dinner, I had the pleasure of be accompanied by Steph :) Then, as part of our National Service Week, we went to help make Valentine's Day cards for soldiers in Afghanistan. They will be belated in their arrival, but I hope they still feel loved nonetheless! Ginger had to wait quite some time for the cards with glitter paint to dry, so I stayed with her and we ended up talking about our lives with each other. In several aspects, we float in the same boat, which is something I didn't really realize until tonight. That being said, I'm going to schedule a lunch date with her soon! Oh yeah :)

And, from the beginning of this post, you all know how the rest of my night went.... At any rate, goodnight loves! Sleep well!

What is good:

• GOD.
• My youth girls (seeing them, hugging them, and telling them how much I love them).
• Alone time; it helps you hear from God.
• My adoptive father, and his guidance to the Father.
• Prayer.
• Worship.
• Running into long lost friends.
• Chipotle lunch dates with dear friends.
• Boba dates and chatting in parked cars.
• Having a friend call you to keep you awake while you drive.
• Fellowship with sisters.
• Receiving information to prayerfully consider.
• Heart to hearts with someone you love and trust.

"Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows."
{James 1:17}

This song is just so peaceful. It's one of Steph's favorites, and I'm pretty fond of it too.

Goodnight loves!

This. right. HERE! is. my. SWAG!

Oh Brenna, the two of us make a crazy pair :) I love it!

Oh, how wonderful the past two days have been! Truly, truly! Quick recap of friday morning/afternoon:

• Woke up and packed.
• Got/loaded the car.
• Picked up my paycheck and took it to the bank.
• Led my second Bible study! It was on Rebekah :)
• Drove HOME!

Then, this Friday-Saturday evening (Saturday being today) was a Girls' Retreat for the youth group, and it was absolutely amazing! I am so glad that I decide to come home, because it was more than worth it! I love seeing my loves grow closer to each other, but more importantly seeing them grow closer to and further depend on God. I witnessed their vulnerability and they're eyes being opened to Truth that many of them really needed to hear. I watched one of my dear loves say in front of everyone, "I am beautiful," and when she said that I knew that she really meant it! Seeing that and hearing those words literally made me cry, because that was something her friends had been trying to get her to believe and verbalize all day.

I saw boldness, and I saw the combatting of fear, anxieties, and lies that are ever-present in their lives. I saw girls bursting from their shells and being more themselves than I normally ever get to see. As a group of 60+ girls, there was an understood freedom of being able to let loose! Whether it was doing zumba, playing dance central, defining our "swag" in the hallway, having our traditional dance party, or just goofing off during free time... I witnessed joy    carefree and pure :)

Kaitlyn, this is your shout-out! I am so proud of you, and I am so happy that you were on the retreat this weekend!

I love you so much, darling! To infinity and beyond ;)

A few more pictures!

 Lisa! She is one of the sweetest girls, ever!

 We like to believe that we have swag. (Myself, Juliana, Marin, and Alex)

Juliana and I in da hoooood! Haha! And Kaitlyn seized the photo-bombing opportunity :)

My heart continues to grow for these girls, always. They have touched me in ways that none of them may ever truly fathom, and they continue to bring joy into my life :) God has blessed me    not just with getting to know these girls, but also in being able to witness His work being done in/through them. I love my little sisters in Christ, each and every one of them, with every single fiber of my being! They are beautiful. They are incredible. They are a beacon of His light, and I see them shining brightly :)

Goodnight loves! Sleep well :)

Some days are just LONG,

and this one was one of them. It started with getting licked (Oops, haha! That's supposed to say "locked!" Thanks Taylor!) out of my room (while still in my pajamas) 20 minutes before my class started. Then, after lunch with Betsey and one of the shortest naps ever, I had to work from 3-7. From there it was straight to Forbes to watch the Senior Dance Concert (which was amazing, by the way... It made me want to teach an improv class!). As soon as I got out of that, Brittany picked me, Rachel, and Taylor up to make it to Late Night Breakfast by 9:50 for our SAO social. Okay, so even though today was long and tiring, I am very happy to have ended it on such a positive note! I love my sisters so much, silliness and all!

 Airbrush tattoos!

 Brittany went for the Harry Potter look!

And beth always keeps it classy ;) Haha!

I left Festival around 11:30, and I came back to my room in order to shower and write my Bible study that I need for tomorrow (since there wasn't a lot of opportunity to do it prior to now). I, am a sleepy bear. As of recent, I've been finding that I am physically and mentally become more and more exhausted. I am living in a sort of state of constant weakness, and I know that I need God's help! Literally, in the middle of doing my modern combination for the umpteenth time, I was gasping out the words, "Lord be my strength."

"But you, O LORD, be not far off; 
   O my Strength, come quickly to help me."

{Psalm 22:19}

When I'm pushed to those limits (physical, mental, spiritual, emotional, etc.), I just need to remind myself that God's got me. My sisters have done an amazing job of reminding me of that. Scripture says this:

"The LORD gives strength to his people; 
   the LORD blesses his people with peace."
{Psalm 29:11}

Goodnight my loves. Sleep well!

The AND campaign.

RISE, the faith community I am a part of here in Harrisonburg, is currently doing something called the "AND campaign." Put simply, people are submitting a quote/photograph that expresses the fact that God loves everyone (Yup, even THAT guy!). Here are some of the ones they have gotten so far:

There are more, but I really like these in particular. God loves us all, and we are called to do the same!

Spiritual Gifts Test

Tonight at small group, we took a test to see what our spiritual gifts are. We were made aware that tests like this do contain flaws, but we thought it would be a decent indicator nonetheless. Here were my top three:

1) Music (this includes dance, art, etc.)
2) Leadership
3) Encouragement*
3) Writing*
*As you may have gathered, I had a tie for number three.

Music Dance: The fact that this was my highest scoring spiritual gift definitely surprised me a little, in large part because dancing is not as much a part of my life as it used to be. Two years ago, this would have made perfect sense to me. I love opportunities to incorporate dance into ministry, and I used to be told on a regular basis that the Lord's joy within me was evident when I danced. Unfortunately, there as many opportunities for partake in that here at school. But I suppose I should bear in mind that God's gift are not confined to geographic locations.... God still gifted me with the ability to dance, and therefore I am still very capable of ministering to others through dance. He hasn't retracted His gift, I just need to find a way to utilize it in any and every situation I'm given :)

Leadership: Okay, now this one was more of a shock, I think. Even though I have been put in leadership roles and have (for the most part) been able to thrive, I never considered that it may be a gift from God. Truth be told, I just have never labeled myself as a "leader." (This is partially because I have this subconscious insecurity that, by calling myself a leader, others will perceive it as me deeming myself superior to them.) After some careful pondering, though, I think that maybe I can see where this has been present in my life. I enjoy opportunities to lead others spiritually, whether that be through prayer, Bible studies, etc. I like sharing the new and exciting things that I've learned, and I constantly strive to bring those who have strayed back to God when they need Him the most. And how could I ever overlook my passion for leading my beloved youth! That brings me some of my greatest joy! (Side-note: When I told my friend Lauren that having this on my list surprised me, her response was, "... I'm not." Confirmation? Maybe!)

Encouragement: Well, this did not catch me off guard. And I do not say that to sound cocky, but some of you may recall my post from December regarding spiritual gifts. My dear friend Elysia came up to me and told me that I had the gift of comfort and encouragement, and it meant so much to me! Having this in my top three still does mean a lot to me! I always try to uplift others and help provide them with peace of mind, body, heart, and spirit. I make it known that I will support them in any endeavor they choose to pursue, and I do so with all of my love! I really hope that I actually do encourage others, because I know how amazing it feels to be encourage by my loves, and I want so badly to do the same for others!

Writing: Well loves, the one thing I can even being to gather from this is that blogging must be a gift that the Spirit has blessed me with! I know that not all of my posts are relevant outside of my close network of friends (or maybe even myself), but perhaps my posts about God, scripture, Christianity, etc. really do make a difference to some people... Oh, that would make me so elated! I'm not sure if that's even the case or not, but maybe!

Again, I know these sorts of tests are flawed, and some of you may be reading this post right now and wondering why on earth I looked so much into this. Sometimes, though, when you aren't sure of what spiritual gifts God has bestowed upon you, it helps to have some sort of reference point. I don't know if dance really is my primary spiritual gift, or if I really have exemplified leadership in great capacity. Maybe I'm not always the most encouraging person, and maybe my writing is sub par at best; but I am choosing to explore the possibilities of these partially unwrapped gifts. God wants me to open them, so they are more than worth looking in to!


Just another exciting note from today: I got called out and complimented for doing really well in my modern class today! Julia asked me and another girl to model a part of our combination for everyone to observe, and the other person is the girl I consider to be the best in the class! (Truth: I watch her every time she does that combination. I can't help it!) Then, later on, Julia came up to me and told me how much she loved how I was taking risks in the beginning of the combination, and that she loved the way it looked! I was so humbled... I must have said "thank you" at least six times. Guys, I'm still a decent dancer?! I'm doing well enough to be recognized by my professor?! I wish I could begin to describe to you how touched I was, but I think I would fail. It just felt amazing.

Goodnight my darlings :)

Oh dear, Steph introduced me to Dance Moms...

Okay, so I realize that this show is infused with an obnoxious amount of unnecessary drama, but for some reason I was so enraptured by it. The fact that these little girls are AMAZINGLY talented definitely has something to do with it. Truly, they are blessed with an incredible gift!





In other news, my test today went alright. It was definitely challenging, but I don't think I failed it by any means. I'm really thankful that Jenn and Courtney were generous about helping me study; it really did help me! And I know I said I would treat myself to Once Upon a Time after my test, but I was informed that there was not a new episode this week. So, instead, I ended up venturing over to my darling Stephanie's apartment. I delivered her some dinner, and we cuddled on the couch while watching some television (a pastime I rarely get to partake in). I loved being able to just relax and spend time with my love; sometimes I just need that.

Well loves, it is getting late. Goodnight all! Sweet dreams :)

Memorization

such a draining and overwhelming process. I have my first test in abnormal psychology tomorrow, and there is SO much information. What makes studying so difficult is that almost none of the information is conceptual, so I'm literally memorizing about 12 pages worth of notes. It wouldn't seem so daunting if the test was completely multiple choice, but a third of the test is going to be short answer.... Ugh. Well, at least my journal critique (that I stayed up until 4 AM working on last night) will be all turned in tomorrow. Bright side, right?... I already decided that I am treating myself to an episode of Once Upon a Time after my test. That will definitely be a pick me up!

There isn't much to say about today. I have a new bruise from modern, and I'm doing a good job of trusting my classmates in impov! I took a nap because I had been a little sleep drizzed, but other than that I spent my entire afternoon studying and doing my journal critique. My sorority business meeting was a welcomed break, and I was so thankful for it! After that and watching the last half of The Voice, Courtney and I hit the books; it was back to studying abnormal psyc. Overall, a less than enthralling day, but what can you do? Something that did make me smile, though, was this note that Lauren left for me wishing me luck on my test!

I love that girl to bits and tiny tiny pieces! She makes my heart happy :)

And I know this is a little late, but I wanted to share these pictures of two of my sisters while they were watching the game last night. Kirsten (on the left) is a hard core Patriots fan, and Jenn (on the right) is a huge Giants fan. Please, just note the progression.

Jenn cried from excitement. Kirsten coped with her anger via texting. Haha. Between the two of them, I just had to laugh :)

Goodnight loves!

The Super Bowl.

151.6 million: Number of people who will watch at least part of the game. 

41: Days in advance, on average, Super Bowl plans are made. 

20 million: Number of Americans attending a Super Bowl party. 

10 million: Number of man-hours spent preparing food for the Super Bowl party.

$5.6 billion: Amount consumers will spend on Super Bowl related items. 

$400 million: Amount of money added to the local economy because of the game. 

$12,500: Price Tiffany charges to produce the Vince Lombardi Trophy. 

$2.8 million: Cost for a 30-second advertisment slot during the game. {Source}

In the past 20 years, Super Bowl ads translated into $1.84 billion of network sales from over 200 different advertisers, according to TNS Media Intelligence. {Source}

I am not anti-Super Bowl, nor do I condemn those who watch it (I admittedly watch it too). However, this event is sort of epitomizes our nation's priorities and values. And during the game I couldn't help but wonder what would happen if we focused even just half of the attention and energy we put into the Super Bowl on bringing about justice in the world. What would that look like? How many people would be set free?.... This video is the product of my pondering. It wasn't scripted or really planned out in any way. I stumble over some words and say things that may not make the most sense. It was a one take, "this is what's on my mind" type of thing. But I wanted to put it out there, so I did.



Goodnight loves.

Brandi, Love146, and Scrabble :)

Well, I wasn't as productive today as I should have been, but at least I had a lovely time :)

I got brunch with Jenn today :) It was her first time having E-hall brunch in quite some time, so that was a treat! I love that girl :) Then, after working on my journal critique for a little bit, Brandi and I went to Earth & Tea for a for a little rendez-vous!

I got "rose of the orient" (because they were out of "divine temple"), and she got "masala chai." Mine was good, but Brandi's was absolutely wonderful! It literally smelled like a snickerdoodle. But yes, we lounged there and talked for about two hours before it was time for RISE's Restore Love kickoff, which featured Lamont Hiebert, one of the co-founders of Love146! (He's also a musician.)

{These are two of his songs: "Fragile" and "Over the Room." Only "Fragile" has an official music video, which is why I hid the other one. (It was a slideshow someone had put together.)}

Lamont was such a great speaker, and I loved that he addressed the face of trafficking both abroad and domestically. I introduced myself to him following the event, and he was extremely kind and rather encouraging. I'm definitely getting the feeling that I will need my master's degree if I decide to become involved with the Love146 organization, but he wished me all the best of luck, and I really did appreciate that :)

Brandi and I decided that we were craving sushi, so for dinner we indulged! But we did our research/browsing. Yes, we are sushi snobs. ($nobs!) Haha! We went to one restaurant, checked out their menu, then left and went to another restraunt. They had a similar menu, so we just decided to eat there. Haha. Follow that up with a trip to Martin's for some gluten free brownie mix, and you have successfully followed Brandi and I's "journey though meal time," haha :)

Not long after getting back to the Fishbowl, Hannah, Holly (Hannah's sister), and her mom got to the house as well! Jenn came over shortly after, and we all enjoyed a night of food, conversation, and games! Specifically, we played Scrabble and Catchphrase :) Jenn an dI were on a team for Scrabble, and we kicked butt! Haha. At one point, we had the greatest combinations of letters, and it led to this photo opp....

HAHAHA! Jenn and I died laughing! We had to wait until the end of the game to show this picture to everyone, but they all agreed it was priceless :) My favorite part of the night may have been meeting Holly; she is, in all seriousness, Hannah 2.0 with almost double the sass! She is too funny. Jenn and I could not handle it. By the time I got back to my room, it was after midnight. And now I am sitting here too tired to do any work, so I am going to read the Word and go to sleep. Before I depart, though, here is an intriguing picture I stumbled across:

It's thought provoking, if nothing else. Goodnight loves!

Yoga, Hip Hop, and Edgar Allan Poe.

Hello loves! Well, as some of you may know, I do not have any academic classes on Fridays :) It's lovely, it truly is. But instead of rotting away in my room trying to to homework, I tend to find fun ways to spend this lovely end to the week/start to the weekend. Today was no exception, and I started with a yoga class taught by my darling Brandi! I love taking her class; it's both relaxing and strengthening :) Plus, it makes me very happy that I get to see her :)

Then, after stopping by Wilson to awkwardly be recorded by Stephanie (it's me that's awkward, not the recording part, haha), I went and got lunch before venturing over to TDU. It turned into a group date with Ginger, Brittany, and Kirsten. Good times indeed :) Then, it was time for Taylor, Kirsten, Brittany, and I to take our hip hop class! Bahh! It was fun, but so exhausting! I do not know how Russell was able to keep that up the whole time... It's craziness. But we all left feeling very satisfied and in agreement that we had just received a sufficient workout. Good stuff my friends, good stuff. We concluded our UREC session with a little smoothie date before heading off to our dinner destinations.

I had dinner with my small group, but I was only at large group for the first worship set because one of my lovely sisters, Rachel, was in a play tonight called “The Long, Horrible Trip of Edgar Allan Poe!” Basically, the play played with the theme of manipulation and incorporated four of Poe's writings (The Fall of the House of Usher, The Cask of Amontillado, The Raven, and The Tell Tale Heart) in the depiction of his utter insanity. It was both eerie and intense, and Rachel did such an amazing job! Not only that, but she had no idea that any of us (Brandi, Hannah, Nicole, Rachel, and I) were even going, so she was very pleasantly surprised! And I loved the talkback session at the end, because it gave a intriguing look into the creative process. One of the things that piqued my interest the most was that there were elements of improvisation, on the actors' part, when putting it all together, and I just find that extremely cool! Not only does you cast get to truly be a part of the artistic quality and vision, but they have that experience of working and collaborating together on an organic level. Maybe I'm weird, but I really liked it! Haha.

Follow all of this up with a movie night in Rachel and Nicole's room, and you have read all about my day! (In case anyone was curious, we watched Crazy Stupid Love; haha.) Needless to say, I kept pretty busy :) Unfortunately, for the rest of my weekend, I need to be very productive. Improv journals, a peer-reviewed journal article critique paper, and the study guide for my psyc test on tuesday.... Yikes. I need to buckle down (which is not something I'm very good at). Wish me luck, loves! Goodnight :)

On this episode of "Nineteen and Adopting"

Stephanie left her child at the dorm, to be taken care of by her roommate, while she went out to Club Gilty for the night.... HAHAHA! That's an inside joke between Brianna and I :) My roomz is so funny; I almost forgot about that from last year! Anywhoo...

We'll just not talk about classes and work. They aren't very eventful and right now they hold little significance to me, so yeah. I will share this with you though.... Let me start by re-mentioning what I think I talked about within the past two weeks. My dear friend Lauren and I have dubbed Tuesdays/Thursdays "Around the World with Stephanie and Lauren." In part, it's because of the wide range of topics we discuss in our classes, but it's also because our professors in both classes have very strong accents. Keeping that in mind, behold this:

I died. Not literally, but I could not contain my laughter, and I may have even leaked from the eyeball. She is too much, but I love her ! I need to change topics before it settles in just how terrible that funny really was, haha. So.... Moving on!

I spent tonight at Club Gilty (a sub-free dance party that student put on in Warren Hall once every few weeks) with Hannah, Brandi, and Courtney :) I was hesitant about going, but I am very glad I did! Not only did I get to dance the night away with three of my loves, but it was also a highlighter party! That means that we got to go crazy and draw/splatter on each other with random highlighter markers! Haha. I looked crazy!

Literally, both of my arms look like that, I have highlighter down in what very little cleavage I actually have, it is splattered on various spots on my face, and I have a lovely splash of blue on my back. Haha. I scrubbed in the shower, but it only did but so much good.... It's okay, people at JMU will just have to wonder what the heck I was up to when they see me tomorrow :) If anyone asks, I will not be ashamed to tell them I was with these three crazy hooligans!

{Sorry it's so tiny! It was sent from a Hannah's phone!}

Oh, I do love them :) Well loves, on that note, I suppose I shall bid thee adieu. Goodnight all!

Post No. 777!

Woah baby! That's a lovely number, that is :)

This morning's dance classes were so good! Yes, during modern I felt so physically drained that I was practically panting and at one point was down on all fours from exhaustion... But it felt so good! That is when I know I'm being challenged and I really feel like a dancer again. And I think the reason behind that is, by being presented with a challenge, I have been considered worthy of being challenged. Does that make sense? Even though I felt like there was NO way that I could get that combination (which I was NOT able to do this class, haha!), my professor told us to do it anyways, even when we were the least prepared to do so. She has hope in us, and she must think that we are some degree of capable! Even in my improv class (which is taught by the same professor), she was pushing us to completely break down the barriers of societal norms and actually make contact with someone! We started with just eye contact, but we moved into physical connection as well. I loved all of it! I was partnered with this guy in my class at one point, and not only were we totally zoned in on each others' eyes, but I haven't been that close to a person of the male gender's face in..... I don't even know! Haha. But it wasn't awkward, it was awesome! There was connection there! (And no, I don't mean in a chemistry/romantic kind of way!) Also, we had a point where our whole class was literally in one giant mass    all connected and moving together with lots of contact! I wish I could have taken a step back and observed it for a bit! From what I could observe while participating, it seemed beautiful! But yes, I left my dance classes feeling amazing today! It was so wonderful :)

Continuing on with the loveliness, it was in the 60s today! SO marvelous!

I got to spend a little bit of quality time with some of my SAO sisters today in TDU :) I love seeing them; they bring a smile to my heart :) Between Jenn and I's shared obsession with the Moulin Rouge soundtrack, and getting to see and hug Hannah when I didn't think I would... I was just a very happy girl :)

Fast forwarding through work... Small group was SO great tonight! (And no, I am not just saying that because some of them are reading this right now. HEY GIRLS!) I have said this before, but I think there is something so incredible and beautiful about vulnerability. When people are willing to share their joys, pain, struggles, goals, etc., a whole new dynamic is presented in those relationships, and it is there that you can truly grow together. In the past few weeks, I have seen such a growth in the unity of my small group, and it makes me so happy! I see support and love; it's genuine and full of compassion. It may have taken a while (since last semester, as a general consensus, was rough), and we are certainly far from perfect, but God is at work, friends! He has a perfect plan for us :)

"¹¹ For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. ¹² Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. ¹³ You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart."
{Jeremiah 29:11-13}

Yes, today was good :) And now, it is time for Bible reading and bed. Goodnight loves!

"You will keep in perfect peace 
 [she] whose mind is steadfast, 
 because [she] trusts in you."
{Isaiah 26:3}

(^^This lovely verse, I heard today from a girl named Shannon in my improv class. It's currently her favorite verse, so she brought it in for our exercise dealing with inspiration from text :) I loved it!)