Prayer

Oh what a day! Started it off with a Target/Starbucks trip with my mom, talked to the neighbors for a bit, ran an errand, had a lovely sushi date with Elizabeth {love her!!!!}, attended the Holy Spirit service at church, and spent the remainder of the night at the Greene residence laughing, eating chocolate, sipping hazelnut chai, and just talking about anything and everything. Twas a lovely evening indeed. Heather, you missed the funniest thing ever, and I will definitely be telling you about it tomorrow. But yes, I thoroughly enjoyed today, and the service tonight made me realize {or rather, reminded me of} some things. First, was that prayer is totally impacting; it can and does make a difference. You aren't just talking for the sake of talking, you are working to bring about a change in your or someone else's walk with the Lord. Another important thing I had to remind myself of is that God doesn't want me to spend my time with Him beating myself up and condemning myself for the things I need to do or haven't done. I found myself doing that after a while. I felt His presence and I asked Him to rid my mind and heart of all distractions, and He did. But as time went on I just started saying how I don't deserve His love and I'm doing so many things wrong and I just don't understand why I can't be everything I need to be. I was being consumed with my biggest fears in that moment, and I didn't realize it in that moment. God did, though, because He brought it into the light as I received prayer. I do fear loss, and I'm constantly afraid that I'm a disappointment. I fear rejection--from my friends, family, and Father. They don't give me reason to, but my biggest worry is that one day I will be rejected by those I love the most. I've been dealing with that a lot lately, that inner anxiety, and having that issue brought into the light and lifted up to God was relieving and overwhelming at the same time. My prayers should not be strictly a self pity-party; they shouldn't be selfish in nature. Yes, it is a time where burdens should be lifted to Him, our sins confessed, and guidance should be sought, but our Father doesn't want us to condemn ourselves. He wants us to lean on Him and ask for His divine help. He wants us to love Him, praise Him, and give thanks for our many blessings. After processing all of these thoughts and emotions, it forced me to stop and just sit. I didn't want to resume my prayers until I knew that my fears had no longer overcome me, and that I was solely focused on Him. That way, when I spoke with my Father, it would be my heart speaking, not my emotions. I thank my most awesome Father that he pulls me through patches of struggle, and that He showers me with grace despite my flaws. I am eternally grateful for the support He has placed in my life, and I thank Him for His perfect plans. He is so good, and He knows exactly how and when to extend His hand to me. He truly utilizes His vessels, and for that I am so grateful :) To that particular vessel who prayed for me tonight, I thank you that you were able to have the Spirit work in you and through you. It was truly a blessing. Goodnight, my sweet loves. Sleep well :)

"In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans."
{Romans 8:26}


"Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective."
{James 5:16}