For Your Joy

As many of you have read, yesterday was not the easiest of days for me. I hit an emotional breaking point, with no clue whatsoever as to how it was triggered. I found myself crying alone in my dorm room feeling lost, guilty, and disappointed in myself. After some lovely, sound advice from a dear friend, I took some time to sit with Him and immerse myself in His teachings.

I took a blanket out by the lake, and I sat upon it as I read aloud to myself from this little book, "For Your Joy," by John Piper. I picked it up at the Ascend the Hill table after the last concert at WEAG. I wasn't sure what it was exactly, until last night when I read the first section. It takes questions such as "How can God love me?" and puts it in perspective using verses from scripture. I read the remaining sections today while sitting on my blanket, and {as I said} I read every word aloud to myself. I didn't just need to read of God's promises, but hear it as well. As I was reading, I caught the only real glimpses of the sun that emerged over the course of the day. I think that was God's way of telling me that He saw me, He knew I had been led astray, and He acknowledged my longing to return to His arms. It isn't enough to be a christian; that isn't what I am striving for. I want to be a true daughter of Christ, one that possesses no doubt and can trust Him with everything. In the end, my life isn't about my time on this earth. God promises his children eternal life, one beyond our secular being. As for every pitfall in our journey with Christ, God intended it for good; that's something else I read about today. Every trouble, obstacle, and tragedy is part of God's plan {as we all know}, but He has a divine purpose in it, always. You can take an incidence as sever as Jesus's crucifixion, for instance. God knew that His only son would be cruelly and brutally murdered, yet God allowed this happen so that Jesus could rise again and provide all of humanity with salvation. It could even be viewed as small-scale as my inner-turmoil yesterday. I was littered with guilt, doubt, and frustration to the point where I couldn't even determine how to move forward. The Father foresaw this long before I was ever affected, and it is because of this period of anxiety that I received the advice I did. I made sure to spend some one-on-one time with Him today, focusing solely on His teachings and His word. It made the day easier to cope with, and I noticed a positive shift in mind-frame. I am a blessed girl, and I am thankful for that. And even when I lose sight of it, He has placed amazing individuals in my life that help pull me back. He truly is wonderful, to say the least... Goodnight, my loves. I will leave you with an excerpt from this booklet; it's something that really struck me.

"I have heard it said, 'God didn't die for frogs. So he was responding to our value as humans.' This turns grace on its head. We are worse off than the frogs. They have not sinned. They have not rebelled and treated God with the contempt of being inconsequential in our lives. God did not have to die for the frogs. They aren't bad enough. We are. Our debt is so great only divine sacrifice can pay it.

There is only one explanation for God's sacrifice for us. It is not us. It is 'the riches of his grace' (Ephesians 1:7). It is all free. It is not a response to our worth. It is the overflow of his infinite worth. In fact, that is what divine love is in the end: a passion to enthrall undeserving sinners, at great cost, with what will make us supremely happy forever, namely, his infinite beauty." (p. 17)