Here, Have a Happy Shake!

Hello alliteration! Haha :) Today wasn't bad; third day in a row! I had a really easy test in earlybird, and in intro to humanities we discussed people who live/lived on the fringe of society. Government was boring as always. I've given up on even trying to pay attention; it's sad. Dance class was completely dedicated to choreography today! I love choreography days so, so much! I now how about two minutes of movement, and even though it doesn't sound like much, I'm excited about it :) Today was dress rehearsal for the fashion show. It wasn't too bad except for the fact that my piece broke :/ So Melody had to start from scratch. Hopefully she can finish it by tomorrow (while still maintaining her sanity). Youth group was good tonight; a lot of laughter, a lot of love :) I will say though, I have this feeling that I'm being hollowed out day by day. I'm having a harder time focusing on the worship than I used to. My mind just feels so bogged down and overwhelmed with other things that I don't know how to make it stop and focus! My cup is emptying, and I don't like it. I need to break down this barricade that's been keeping me from seeing and feeling God. I know that He is standing there, waiting for me, and this is something that I must do; God shouldn't have to do all of the work. No, I know that this is on me. It's just hard; feeling empty. How can I let God control my life if I'm not filled with His spirit? This process is going to be more complex than I had anticipated... If anyone has advice, I am more than open to it, but don't feel obligated. Okay, rewinding to the daily run-down, El Chaps was fun indeed! Heather, Kelly, and Ellory: you girls bring pure joy into my life. You are always making me laugh, smile, make silly noises, etc. Ahhh! I just love you! I did find out today, though, that there's been deception in one of my supposed friendships. Though seemingly caring and supportive, this friend apparently finds humor in my anger and unhappiness. Hmm, well I'm not sure what I did to earn this person's dislike, but at least I now see through the false facade. You know, I put up this sort of front sometimes. When I find out information such as this, I laugh and have a smirk on my face. At first it almost seems funny, because it throws me off guard. But then, as I allow things to resonate, I start to search for accusations against myself. Am I a bad friend? Do I think or say things that offend people? What did I do wrong? But the pang that strikes my heart only lasts for a fraction of a second, because I make it numb. Maybe I'm similar to "untouchable girl;" well isn't that ironic...

TPQ: Why is it that we keep secrets? Is it out of shame? Embarrassment? Fear? Can a secret also be a manifestation of a lie? If the whole world were to lay everything out for everyone to see, would life be simpler or more chaotic? I don't have the answers, but my brain is certainly swimming right now...