A series of letters.

Dear God,

During the sermon this morning, I envisioned sitting at the foot of Your throne the way Cindy described it. I imagined reaching out and touching You; having You take me into Your arms; holding me the way my dad used to when I was a child. And for a moment it kind of seemed foolish, but is it really? I mean, You are my Father! You love me beyond all worldly means and You hold me secure; whether I realize it or not. This image brought me a new sense of joy that I had yet to experience, and I could never thank You enough. Oh, how You continue to astound me :)

Dear self,
You have the option of being baptized this coming Sunday? To be or not to be? Oh, what a question! You shouldn't let the bitterness of your past overshadow the true meaning of the act. However, also keep in mind your gut feelings (whatever those may be). Like Kelly advised, you need to look towards scripture. Now go get your Bible out of your car!

Dear mother,

I wish I could really write you a letter and hand it to you with confidence. But, out of fear and self-consciousness, I cannot. There are a few things that I would want to express to you; things that would be too difficult to say aloud. Today was Mother's Day, and to be honest I felt kind of bitter about it. Buying you a card that said what an incredible mother you are was kind of difficult for me. Yes, you have provided for me, and I could never thank you enough for that. But I still feel like you don't know or understand me. I'm not sure you really know me as a person; what I like/dislike; the things that bring me joy in life. From time to time you look at me like I disappoint you. You'll say my name in a tone of frustration and proceed to either yell or let out the mom sigh. I can't simply forget the status of our relationship. I have a hard time honoring your authority when you've left me here essentially alone for the past three years. Sometimes I feel like our relationship is beyond repair, or not worth repairing. Other times I wonder if you avoid me the way I avoid you. I don't want to be begrudging, but this internal tug-of-war is completely and utterly confusing to say the least. I don't want my "Happy Mother's Day" to be half-hearted. Why did things turn out this way?

Dear Candice,

I worry about you a great deal. Growing up, you always knew what you wanted in life. Never once did you question it; until now. These kids have depleted you of your confidence, and they've worked your nerves to the wire. Maybe this career path is indeed too overwhelming for you, but I hate to see you so defeated; so willing to leave. You worked so hard to get to this point, to truly be a teacher, and now you've lost all motivation. No one can say the right words to make you feel better; I see that now. I just hope that you can make until June without going through another stage of depression or severe anxiety. I love you dearly, and I wish that I was able to help you.

Dear Nikki,

I loved our Starbucks date today. Honestly, you are one incredible listener, and you give great advice. Your words are always helpful and/or encouraging, and help me maintain my sanity. Not only that, but you remind me that my emotions aren't completely ridiculous or abnormal, because we've shared some similar life experiences. I don't know what I would do without you. And I know that sounds horribly cliche, but I don't know how else to word it. I love you very dearly, and a simple "thank you" cannot suffice for all that you've done for me. I am eternally grateful for having a friend like you in my life :)

Dear stomach,
Why must you insist upon hurting? Why won't you allow me to eat normally? For the past two days, you've been acting very strangely, and I don't like it. Please shift back into your normal gear. Thanks.

Dear JMU,
You kind of scare me; or at least the thought of you does. I have many emotions tied to this, but I can't make the words accurately depict how I feel inside; I just tried. And, as you can see, all of those words got erased.

My dearest loves (you know who you are),
When I have to leave, I'm afraid things will change; and I don't want them to. I'm scared that distance will do damage; you know, "out of sight, out of mind." I just love you all so incredibly much, and I don't want to leave you. We've become so close! I feel like this is hardly fair...

Dear readers,

As I'm sure you can see, I am just full of different emotions right now. Some of these "letters" were pretty random; of this I am aware. But I just have several things bouncing around in my brain, and I thought I'd just let them flow right out (or at least try to). If you read this whole thing, I give you major kudos! I love you all, and now I must depart to do my government homework. Ugh :/

Love, Stephanie <3