is more confusion and bitterness than you may think possible. It's not that I'm never happy, because believe me I am rather often. It's just that certain things linger in my mind and gnaw at my nerves bit by bit, but I'll be getting back to that. Let me start with the daily run-down. First of all, my phone shut itself off AGAIN last night! Thus, my alarm couldn't go off. Yeah, my mom woke me up at 8:10.... I had to be at school by 8:45. No breakfast for me! It's okay though, because I skipped school for the first time ever today during second period and went to Wawa and Panera with Daniel and Kamau. Random group; fun time :) I got my french toast bagel with hazelnut spread, and some sweet tea of course :) This little morning rendez-vous was a secret blessing, and I shall tell you why. During government, my friend Mariah was getting an early dismissal. I asked her where she was going, and she told me there was a free science lecture. Being the scatter-brain that I am, I realized that I had completely neglected to find a lecture to go to for physics. Fail! So what do I do? I run to the office to call my mom to get me out early. I would have just left, but Mr. Moore said he would write me up. Ugh! So, it took FOREVER for a phone call to get me out of class! Apparently my mom had to exchange a few words with a few people to get me out early. Let's just say that the lady in the attendance office slapped the clipboard and pen down on the desk when I went to sign myself out. She was not a happy camper.... Oh well! So then I rushed over the science museum with only a few minutes to spare, sat through the lecture, and then had to go straight to Henrico. No lunch :( No afternoon facebook/blogger check :( But what can you do? Anyways, I worked on physics in study hall and then went off to dance. I kind of wish Mrs. Fink wanted to relax during the duration of her pregnancy. But with my luck, of course, we did lots of crunches and across the floor today. None of it was difficult, but my body was tired and my stomach was all gurgley, but I made it through in pretty decent shape! Youth group was amazing! Oh how I do love my friends! They hold more value to me than they can possibly imagine :) But now, it's time for the family-drama portion. I wonder if you all get sick of reading this ongoing issue I have with my parental units and siblings. If you do, I'm sorry; feel free to stop reading now. But here's the deal: Last night I texted my dad to tell him that I couldn't come to dinner tonight because I had to go to the meeting about the baptism this sunday. Here's what he said to me:
Got your text. Not happy about tonight. Losing a lot of the little time I have with you to WEAG. You seem more focused on that than on college also.
As my dad has mentioned to me before (and today, actually), he's not "big on 'churches' of any sort." Really dad? This isn't about WEAG or organized religion. This is about my faith and my love for Christ; His love for me... This is about me starting a new life in the image of my true Father; the One who gave me life and blesses me every day with his glory and love. I told my father that I'm sorry he can't comprehend how vital and important this is in my life, but I don't think he is concerned about it at all. He isn't interested in understanding any of it. Needless to say, he will not be at my baptism, and it's for the same reason he didn't come and see me on Palm Sunday. He lets this preconceived notion of church being some sort of housing for a cult prevent him from even trying to experience God... What am I supposed to do about him? We had an awkward encounter this evening. I had to go over to his house to get money from him for the graduation lunch; which I'm surprised he's even going to given his dislike of church... Anyways, he said maybe five words to me before I left to go home. But, before I got to my car, he came out and asked me to wait a second. So I stood there awkwardly as he came up to me and gave me a hug. This wasn't an "I love you" kind of hug. No, this was an odd, too-tight, "I know I screwed up" hug. And even though I felt that coming from him, he didn't say a word to me. He just let me go and went back inside... I don't really know how to handle this situation. What do you do when your father wishes you spent less time with your Father?
I'm sorry dad, but if you're going to try and make me choose... it looks as though I'm going to be a disappointment to you, too.
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