Not.

I am, but you do not see.

I do, but you do not know.

I feel, but cannot say.

I want, but cannot find words.

I fear, but cannot share it.

I desire, but cannot see.

I know, but do not grasp.

I am not. I do not. I feel not. I want not. I fear not. I desire not. I know not.

But I do.

I confess, but will not regret.

I acknowledge, but will not falter.

I struggle, but will not fall.

Will not.

Spring Break

Everyone else:













Me:

Because my professors were all like:

And I have to work because I'm poor....

So trying figure out when I'm going to get all of my stuff done is like:

And all I want to do is...

So by the time it's all said and done, I'm going to be left feeling like:

So yeah, happy Spring Break. Here's to hoping you all actually get one. I'll be crying over my laptop. Peace.

Snapshot of an overwhelmed, broke, too-busy college student.

And there it is, my set-in-stone, weekly commitments in calendar form. The white space is left over for meals, studying, sleeping, homework, various out-of-class assignments, and sorority socials/Bible studies/fundraisers/service events/etc.... It's a lot. Lunch sometimes doesn't happen. Dinner more often doesn't happen(due to a lack of time and financial resources). Naps have to happen or I'd lose my sanity. All-nighters are sporadic, but not uncommon. My hair never gets done. Forget eyeliner or even mascara. My wardrobe is far from glamorous. Jeans and a sweatshirt/quarter-zip anyone? Social activities have to be scheduled more often than not, and all I want to do on the weekends is sleep and veg-out on my big blue sofa under my big red blanket. This is college life. Well, at least my life as a college junior.... Derp.

Musical Pick-me-ups

We all need them sometimes. Here are some of mine. Whether comforting, inspiring, or feel-good, you just can't really feel down when you listen to them :)

Philippians

Yesterday, I did not make it to RISE for service. Instead, my dear Kelly and I went to Panera and, over bagels and hot tea, went through the book of Philippians together :) Twas a lovely time indeed, and great discussion was had. I decided to share some of verses that stuck out to me during that time; perhaps they will speak to you all as they did to me!

"Whatever happens, conduct yourselves in a manner worthy of the gospel of Christ." 
{Philippians 1:27}

"Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others." 
{Philippians 2:3-4}

"Do everything without grumbling or arguing, so that you may become blameless and pure, “children of God without fault in a warped and crooked generation.” Then you will shine among them like stars in the sky as you hold firmly to the word of life." 
{Philippians 2:14-16}

"But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus." 
{Philippians 3:13-14}

"Only let us live up to what we have already attained." 
{Philippians 3:16}

"But our citizenship is in heaven. And we eagerly await a Savior from there, the Lord Jesus Christ." 
{Philippians 3:20}

"Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you." 
{Philippians 4:9}

"I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through him who gives me strength." 
{Philippians 4:12-13}

The Draft

Apparently I started writing this on September 15, 2010.... I never finished it, nor did I ever post it. I am not sure why that is, but here is what my thoughts were...

I miss talking to you. Nothing is wrong, but sometimes I need that guidance in my life. You always know what to say, and you spoke from both wisdom and experience. I wish I had someone like that here, although no one will ever replace you. I love you too much for that.

I have changed.

Silk to stone,
a decision not of my own.
A load unseen,
a stress untold.
Too heavy to lift,
not so to uphold.
A face newly painted,
a job well glossed.
Those unacquainted with the old,
not knowing the novelty.
Neither false nor forged,
no charade in play.
Worry and concern,
a constant thought.
I am me,
new and old.
The balance of she,
not yet fold.
I have changed,
this I see.
But both are she,
and she is me.