There are some things from your past

that you really do not wish to revisit. Now I realize that this may seem self-and-point, perhaps even completely obvious. But you know those things that hurt you once, I mean really hurt you, but you manage to suppress them over time to the point where it is no longer a part of your conscious? I have many of those. However, because of this blog, those memories will never be completely gone. This mass array of my thoughts and experiences has captured the good, the absolutely amazing, but also the pitfalls and the struggles. I just went looking for a photo that I knew I had put on one of my posts. I entered a key word and the search bar and did eventually find what I was looking for, but I also came across hurtful words that were said to me, actions that were less than heart-felt... Neither of which I would have been able to specifically recall if not for my cyber regurgitation. Wow... What else is there really to say? I know I've been hurt. Any one of us could say that we've been put down, guilted, slandered, disappointed... I think the wonder of all of it is that God allows us to move past it. I don't recurrently have to face the family issues, the tears, the mistakes, or the heartache. God gave/gives me strength to push through it, and then He plants me firmly so that I may grow beyond that point of trial. He does that for all of us.

God's like that, you know. He works for the good of everyone. It's never just me, or you, or Sally up the street. God isn't designed for people to be selfish. He looks at the big picture; His heart and arms are wide open for everyone. He cares for everyone. He considers everyone. He loves everyone! Why, then, is it so easy for me to be consumed with myself? My stress. My hurt. My issues. My pain. I can try to justify it be saying that most of this is intrinsic, evolving in thought more-so than action. I have tried this, truthfully, but I know the truth. Why is it so hard for me to look past my crap (sorry for the lack of a more intelligent word) and look to find God in my moments of weakness? He loves me! He knows how to embrace others! He can help me embrace my situations and guide me towards loving and acting as He does! So what's the deal with the wall? What's my stumbling block? Where does the hinderance reside?

You could say I'm wrestling with these questions. To be truthful I'm not where I want to be spiritually. I feel distant, and I feel like a sub-par daughter of Christ. I know I can do better. Be better. My Messiah whose birthday I am celebrating deserves more from me. Our relationship is starting to look awfully one-sided, and if I were Him I'm not sure if I would want to stick around. He is, though. He always does. I know this because I see the blessings raining down on me. I see the unexpected support and love. I see the glimmer of radiant light in those who I am beyond grateful to have in my life. I may be but a faint glow, but I have faith that, with my cooperation, God is going to restore me to a beacon. I anxiously await that. Lord, I love you and I miss knowing you as I should. Please forgive me for my selfishness and distractedness. I want to return to your arms.

Goodnight, my loves. And may you all have a blessed, peaceful, and joyous Christmas Eve.

A Deafened Cry

One of pain and suffering,
muffled by indifference and apathy.
The power hungry, the oppressors,
bearing a stronghold on the impoverished;
the hungry; the displaced.
To stand alone is to fall,
to perish beneath the feet of injustice.


A hand to hold; to feed; to nurture,
extended towards desperation,
yet restricted by shackles of foreign rule.
A task of many feats:

Source

to provide aid without endangerment.
Who poses as your ally?
Who stands as the opposition?
What can you compromise,
when the stake you hold is human life?

Service and restoration,
purpose behind your battlefront.
Yet not even optimism can blind you
from the confrontation that before you rages.

Source

You are not assured safety;
security is a false promise.
Yet you stand on this toiled ground,
staged to have your mission fulfilled.



Food for the hungry;
homes for the refugees and the displaced;
protection for the victims of rape;
liberation for the child soldiers;
justice for the oppressed;
peace and hope to a world in need.

Humanitarianism,
the term they coined.

Source

The intentioned is to save lives,
to relieve people of their suffering.
Take humanity to heart.
Be neutral and impartial in midset.
Embody independence.
Let the good overshadow the harm.

Seek not to exploit;
honor dignity and worth.
Cast the line to reel awareness,
to ignite passion and support.

Source

Feed the flame into expansion;
wildfire unceasingly gathering force.
A lone effort is insufficient,
but in tenfold change is generated.

Each soul has a gift to give,
an ability to sustain and improve life;
even life beyond oneself.

Though the terror is great,
and the crises seemingly endless,
there is never a depression
with no route to a peak.

So take in this world,
with all of its tragic images.
Hold next to it a flicker of hope,
a candle with which to illuminate promise.
Let this depiction direct your path,
guide your steps,
towards an ambition of freedom and well-being.

Let the extent of hope's light not be tethered

to the fulcrum of where you stand,
but let it eclipse every extent of this earth.
All encompassing; all inclusive.
Unveil the reality of humanity's stature.
Foster understanding.
Advocate for action.
Give a voice to the the deafened cry.

A 24-hour RVA dash!

Ello poppets!

As some of you readers know, I am currently home for a brief period of time. Why, you ask? Well, today was Steph's dad's birthday. Thus, while she was already coming home, she wanted to get her hair cut by my dear love, Shelly. And since she wanted me to be there with her, I came along for the ride! We left the Fishbowl at 11:30, and a little before 2 Steph and I arrived at her hair appointment :) Please note the before and after photos:

She cut 10 inches of hair off! Crazy, right?! She's donating it to Pantene Beautiful Lengths :) Proud mom moment, right here (even though I did love her long curly locks)! It's always a good time, donating hair! I'm excited for whenever I get to do that again :) Weeeeeeee!

From there, Steph brought me to my casa, talked to my mom for a bit, and then went on her merry way.  Madre made one of my favorites for dinner: meatloaf :) It's not just any meatloaf that I love; it's hers specifically. She made that, along with baked potatoes, green-beans, and spaghetti squash (which I did try even though I'm not a squash fan... it wasn't too bad). I think my mom gets excited whenever we come home. She likes to go all out :)

And since my dearest Heather was a poor sickling today, I went out after my dinner and got her some tofu pho from Mekong :) She loves the stuff, and I thought maybe it would be a little pick-me-up even though she felt icky. It also gave me the opportunity to see her, and that is ALWAYS a plus :) I do love that girl! I even got to see Elsbeth and Jolyn for a bit, which is always a time in-and-of itself ;)

Well, I am going to do some slumbering now :) I have church family to go surprise in the morning! Goodnight world!

Nashville and rest

Tonight, after the tease from many regarding the potential of having classes being canceled (and that not being the case), I decided that I needed to just chill. I was up until almost 3am last night doing homework that was due today (and thank the Lord I did!), and after 4 classes between 9:30am and 6:00pm, I decided to cancel all of my evening plans. My plan: to relax on my comfy sofa, have some tea, and watch Nashville. The only wrench in this plan was going to retrieve my Macbook, and finding that they failed to put all of my stuff back onto the computer..... But after that period of stress, I was rest time. I even got a visit from Kelly; we drank tea and chit-chatted in my living room.

The point is, I am more stressed out than I care to be, and I need to learn when to give myself some time to just be. Time where I'm not running around, panicking about my to-do list, stressing over classes, or planning/attending a meeting. No, I need unstructured periods of relaxation with no agenda whatsoever. It's a nice treat; try it soon if you haven't recently. I still have a lot that needs to be done, but I feel less anxious in this moment; it's nice.

Gear shift..... Nashville. It's a new show on ABC, and I love it! The acting keeps me intensely intrigued, the plot is complex enough to pique my interest, and the music is pretty awesome too. Here are a few of my faves to date:

Remember Lennon and Maisy? This is them! They are casted as the children of Rayna on the show, and in the last episode they performed this song (originally sung by Hayden Panettiere's character, as heard above) in their talent show :) They are AWESOME!

Yep :) I'm a fan. And I'm so happy that I can now enjoy all of this from the comfort of my own Macbook. It's so nice to have it back! In other news, my hand looks much better! It's barely red or even sore now. I only had to wrap it like this today:

Better than the mummy hand I had yesterday....

Haha.... Well, goodnight loves!

Homecoming and a burn.

Well, this weekend was JMU's homecoming! I enjoyed getting two free shirts (10th anniversary purple-out and homecoming t-shirts), the pep rally on the quad Friday evening, our SAO alumni "tailgate" Saturday afternoon, the football game versus Georgia State Saturday afternoon/evening, a B-dubs dinner with SAO loves (taken to-go and enjoyed at the Fishbowl), and a Halloween party at Sarah and Nancy's Saturday night :) I'll skip over details at this moment, because I hope to post later with pictures included courtesy of Hannah :) However, this is a picture of seester and I at the game:

As for today, I spent it sleeping-in, doing very little homework, shopping for non-perishable foods (in case Sandy blows through), preparing for our SAO business meeting, going to said meeting, taking a stroll through Walmart, celebrating the cancellation of tomorrow's classes with Campus Cookies, and watching Spice World with my fishies :) Now, let's talk about the second part of this post title--- the "burn" thing. So, while making myself some pasta for dinner, I went to pour my noodles into my housemate's strainer. I had never used it before, and it was one of those collapsible ones. I thought it would just pop open when the noodle hit it, but that is not the case... Thus, boiling hot water poured right across the surface and onto my hand. It was quite a bit of water, and yes it was rather hot. It didn't hurt at first, but it certainly did three hours later after our meeting; hence the trip to Walmart for burn ointment/gauze wrap. So my hand stayed looking like this:

And now it looks like this (thanks to the wonderful care of Lauren):

 I'm a hot mess. Haha. And even though I know classes are canceled, I'm still not sure about work. I really hope it is, because I feel like my hand is going to give me problems once it gets stuck in a cutting glove and thrown into a toaster oven multiple times.....

 Anywhoo, goodnight loves!

Guess where I'm going?

January 1st-4th, 2013.... Yes, I'm going to Passion!!!! I am so thankful :) I am going to see Jesus at work in a way that I never have before, and I'm going to get to experience that with some of my dearest friends. Yes, I'm going to Passion with Eighteen22! I am beyond excited :) This is almost too surreal. EEEEEEEEEEEEEP!

A Prayer Request

I've been struggling with something as of recent, and these verses basically sum it up....

^“21 Not everyone who says to me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only he who does the will of my Father who is in heaven. ²² Many will say to me on that day, ‘Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name, and in your name drive out demons and perform many miracles?’²³ Then I will tell them plainly, ‘I never knew you. Away from me, you evildoers!’"
{Matthew 7:21-23}

If you could pray for me, I would greatly appreciate it. Sometimes I get overwhelmed and upset when I dwell on this, and it gets hard. The one person I've talked to about it was so comforting and encouraging in her prayer, but I know that what I ultimately need is the peace and guidance of God. I need to listen, hear, and obey; I need transformation.

I love you all! And if there's anything I can do to be praying for you, please just let me know!