Unsettled.

I don't know when the last time was that my nails were this short. In the past several days, I have chewed them to the bits...

It's not that my to-do list is longer, or my assignment that much harder. I'm not sure if I could even identify the specific cause of my unrest. But I do know I'm feeling it. I am aware that something is off. I am stressing more easily, reverting to self-consciousness, and at the same time reprimanding myself for not doing more-- not reading more, praying more, focusing more, fellowshipping more, working more, exercising more, socializing more... That list could run for miles, if I were to let it.

Perhaps this feeling is the result of the approaching end of my academic sentence/journey. (School is so full of obligations that it doesn't always feel like I am choosing to be there.) Maybe my nerves associated with job-hunting are getting the better of me. Perhaps it's overwhelming to see a timeline full of friends who are trudging forward in their professional lives, and I am stuck in a limbo between college life and true young adulthood.

When people say college is the greatest time of your life, I don't think they are encompassing graduate school. I am certainly grateful for the education and experience I'm getting (don't get me wrong), but this phase of my life is just awkward. I have a professional degree, I graduated with adequate training and preparation for a career that would earn me a decent paycheck. But I chose to pursue a master's degree to create more job opportunity. So here I am, a professional in accordance with my earned degree, but still playing the role of student. It almost feels as though my potential is being funneled into tedious papers and presentations when it could be utilized to serve others. Just typing this out is making my mood plummet a little bit.

In short, I guess you could say I'm in a transition phase. I'm trying to figure out who I am as an adult, where I am heading as a professional, and what I truly want to become. And although my big-picture lens is clouded by my ominous to-do list, I am striving to retain perspective. I am stressed and unsettled, but this is only a phase. I am growing, developing, and changing with each day--bringing hope to my mind, heart... and nails.

A year and a half of catching-up.

Wow! The last time I updated this blog was in July of 2013. Now here we are, it's January 2015, and A LOT has happened since my last post....

The first big thing that happened was my senior year of college.

Oh yes, and I graduated with by BSW!

I also got into a one-year, Advanced-Standing MSW program! We are a small but mighty cohort :)

My older sister and father BOTH got married this past summer!

I donated 12-inches of my hair to Pantene Beautiful Lengths.

I have continued to have AMAZING experiences with my youth-- filled with beautiful new relationships and "proud mom" moments!

And in general, I have continued to be blessed with amazing friends, sisters, and loved ones :)

Now, I'm in my last semester of graduate school! I'm living the grad student/intern/youth leader life--trying to find that balance between responsibilities, self care, and a social life. It's not an easy feat, but I'm muddling through! As I approach my 23rd birthday and my final graduation (both of which happen to fall on the same day), I am realizing that I am about to be truly springboarded into adulthood (real adulthood, I mean). I really want to start blogging more frequently. I'm not saying it will be daily, but often enough that I can process life events. At any rate, there is my update :) Farewell for now!

For: you

Know that you are you.
You face is not masked by another;
your self not irrevocably tethered.
You are who God created you to be;
know that you are nothing less than that.
Beloved and cherished,
your worth abounds beyond comprehension.
Where one may shackle you to the depths,
several will help you soar to great heights.
Your heart reflects through your acts,
your speech and mood and character.
No exclusion applies here;
know that.
Whether it he or she,
we or me.
I stand alone in regards to my self;
I am neither duplicate nor copy.
My value is unique and its own,
not scaled in comparison to another.
No ranking or hierarchy reigns;
the sole rule being that of my Father.
Our Father.
Know that you are loved;
never are you belittled.
A second-fiddle you will never be;
not second-best or alternate-pick.
You are no one's understudy.
You were fashioned in such a way,
that you are indeed irreplaceable.
Treasured more than gold or rubies,
no man or woman can deprive you.
Not of your self or your value.
Know that you are you,
solely so and indisputable.
And you, as you are,
are loved beyond say.
Beyond word or thought or mind;
you are cherished through enduring eyes.
Know this.
Know truth.
Know you.

Team iPhone

Today I entered the world of iPhone! It was my padre's birthday gift to me, and so far I am loving it! Snap chat, Vine, Instagram... I am now in the game! Haha. I'll admit that I was nervous switching from Verizon to AT&T, but so far so good! Here's to hoping it stays that way!

Yep! It's a 4s! And I even bought myself a [white] Lifeproof case, because it was 25% off and I cannot afford to break this thing! Haha. But really, I am quite excited :) This present was a very nice surprise. Another big "thank you" to my dad! Friends who may be reading this, follow me on the aforementioned apps and snap chat me! Please and thank you :)

Already having fishie withdrawals...

For those who do not know, I lived in a townhouse affectionately known as the Fishbowl this past year. I had some of the GREATEST memories of my life with these girls, and and they are definitely four of my very best friends. They all graduated this past Saturday, making me one very proud mom! However, I've also done my fair share of crying, because saying goodbye is one of my least favorite things in the entire world. Fortunately, Stephanie will not be too far away, and will be living with me for Fall semester next year. However, Courtney is headed back home to California. Hannah will be extremely busy with school and work, so even though she is only two hours away we won't be seeing much of each other. And my sweet, beloved Brandi is going back to California for a little while, only to then be going to Massachusetts for an internship.... Saying bye to Courtney on Monday, and saying goodbye to everyone else today, was hard. Really hard. I cried multiple times. And now I'm left feeling kind of lonely. I mean, I've been living with 4 of my best friends for a whole year! Now we've all gone separate ways and I miss them. Already, I miss them. I want to laugh and cuddle and be sassy with each other while we sit on the couch or do crazy shenanigans....

I miss and love you, dearest fishies! Very, very much. Thank you for blessing me in all the ways that you have, and for being so present in my life. I wouldn't be who I am without you all! Truly truly.